Permanent

I got my first tattoo when I was just 18. I was home from my freshman year in college and my best friend Jessi and I went to get "inked". I chose some flowers from a children's story book that my mom had read to me as a little girl and had them placed on my ankle.

Fifteen years later I found myself in the "chair" again. This time I was in Key West with my husband (my other best friend) by my side. I was getting another flower permanently etched into my skin.... a sweet william flower.

When William passed away in April 2005 I didn't even realize that there was a flower called "Sweet William" until I received a card in the mail with a packet of seeds from my doctors wife.

And for two years now I have wanted to get the tattoo. But you can't do it when your pregnant or nursing... plus I wanted it to be an experience. Not just another errand fulfilled.

So this August when Mason and I started planing the trip, I knew that it would be the perfect time.

And I was right. Sunday morning it was just me Mason and Tommy(the artist) at the shop. He worked with me to get the right look and pick the best location. Apparently flowers are hard to do well and I wanted it on my body in an odd spot.

Tommy was amazing, he was so understanding about the emotion of the situation. He was kind and soft hearted. As I lay there looking at all these odd "land of the dead" dolls and posters surrounding his booth I could hear his voice chatting away with Mason about his craft. I started crying during one part of it, not from the pain... but from the memory. He said the kindest things that made me feel much better... which now of course I can't remember.

The whole thing was just what I had wanted (and needed).

In a week or so I will post a picture of the tattoo, right now it is bruised and flaky. Unlike my mothers flowers on my ankle it is hidden under my clothes close to where William spent his entire existence with me. I feel much more private about this mark than my other.

A lot of my family didn't understand why I wanted a tattoo. I tried hard to explain the meaning behind scaring yourself physically on the outside to help heal (if that is the right word) the scar on the inside of you. Its very primitive (like birth and mothering) and a right of passage (ditto) so I only felt that it was fitting to have my own 'scarlet letter' if you will....