10.02.2009

birds and the bees

Shortly after Tristan was born Braden and I had a talk about how babies are made. It was a simple explanation... you take a piece of the mommy and a piece of the daddy, the baby grows in the mommy etc etc.

Until now that answer had been sufficient. A few weeks ago he asked me why do boys have penises and girls have vaginas. Being caught totally off guard I answered with the first thought that came to my head... "we each have different parts because they fit together. that is how the piece from the daddy gets into the mommy." He accepted this, hard thinking was written all over his face but he questioned no more. I was totally blown away by this. I was not prepared at all for this line of questioning so early on... I explained that what he and I talk about with regards to all the penis vagina baby talk was between us and daddy and Tristan... not to be shared at school. He agreed.

A few days ago Braden announces that his friend had told him that mommies were put to deep sleep and then a doctor 'sliced' the mommy open and pulled the baby out. Well, alrighty then. I explained further that some babies are born like that, but most babies are born through the 'gina (as he calls it) because our bodies were made to do it like that. "Well how big does the 'gina get? This big (he holds his hands out) or this big? (hands move in a bit)

Okay - it is off to the books. I get out my pregnancy/birth book, which shows happy moms naked and booby squatting and lying and in birthing tubs and a few shots of a baby's head crowning. Braden was interested, but not grossed out. Nor did he giggle or think it was silly. He seemed quite satisfied with the pictures (maybe remembering what I looked like pregnant) and seemed quite satisfied with the answers. He turned to me and said -"now I want to see a picture of the slicing open." But by that time it was time for school (why do these conversations always come up in the morning?) and he hasn't asked me since.

Seeking advice from other moms I brought this whole thing up with some soccer moms during practice. The conversation didn't last long AT ALL. When I got to the part about Braden asking me why boys and girls had different parts one mom shot me down. She said "I would have said because that is the way God made us... end of story... "

Really? That is the answer you would give your kid? You have got to be kidding me....I was so upset. One, because I felt like what I had told my kid was 'dirty or wrong' and two because I can't believe someone would think that such a blow off answer would be acceptable. No wonder we have such a high rate of teen pregnancy in this country. Do people really believe if you don't talk about it then our kids won't care any more? Nah... they'll just get it off the playground.

Maybe I upset her too. Maybe she thought my answer was unacceptable.... I don't know. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.... should take my own advice to Braden and realize that no one else really wants to talk about that sort of thing with others outside their family. But then again maybe I should talk about it, be transparent let others see how I handle this sort of thing and maybe they will like what my opinion is.

Oh, who am I kidding... I will try to keep my mouth shut, but it will open back up eventually anyway ! ;-)

4 comments:

The Boyd Gang said...

I totally agree with you and your opinion! I am really trying to be open and honest with my girls when they are curious. I think if we as moms would be open and honest with one another things would be better. We need support for this kind of thing, not someone to look down on us!

martha.durham said...

I totally think you did the right thing, support you and would have answered as you did!! And hopefully I will whenever that time comes...(still not sure Maggie knows there are boys and girls, sometimes I wonder about that girl...). I agree there is waaaaay too much emphasis on God and not enough on explanation, period.
Thanks for the magazine! It was/is awesome!! We are really looking hard at Pulaski Academy when the time comes, whenever that may be. I see a visit in the next year.
Miss you much!
Martha

annie said...

this kind of stuff doesn't help kids at all. It just makes them bad at science. You're only explaining the natural world as the child has already observed it.

Lisa (the girls' moma) said...

Um, yeah, after I explained it to Coley, she now refuses to get any older than 8. When you ask why, she replies, "Because I don't want to have a baby in my tummy." She is now TERRIFIED. But I guess that's pretty good birth control, right?