1.12.2009

standards and measures

If a mom is not be be measured by her children - than what is her yardstick?

I am not responsible for my children's happiness - but I kinda am....

I am not solely responsible for my children's' success - but I kinda am....

It doesn't matter if your house is clean or if the laundry is done - but it kinda does....

How can you tell if you are doing a good job? How do you know if you are a good mom? This is the question that I ask myself, constantly comparing the actual way I mother and keep house, to the way I fantasize about doing it... comparing my friends mothering skills to mine... most of the time they blow me completely out of the water which just makes me that much more uneasy about my skills.

I wonder what I could be doing better. I ignore the stuff I know I could realistically do better because I am afraid. I am not sure what I am afraid of... but I am afraid all the same.

I feel so responsible. Responsible for nutrition, responsible for recreation, responsible for education, responsible for the tone of the house, the tone of their clothes... the tone of my voice!

I feel under qualified for this position. Who on earth thought I would be a good candidate for this job? How am I still so selfish after all these years of being a mom?

But - young grasshopper - these are not the questions that you should be asking.... what you should ask yourself is - Why do you not accept yourself and love yourself where you are? Because where you are is NEITHER good nor bad.... it just is.

3 comments:

The Boyd Gang said...

Thanks for helping me be a better mother. You always make me think about the important things in life, and it is nice to know that I am not the only one that often feels unqualified to be a mother.

The Boyd Gang said...

oh yeah....i loved your wedding dress!

Julia Stewart said...

;-)