I had a crappy week.
Not only was the week crappy, but I was crappy to everybody.
I didn't get enough sleep, too much crap had to be done, and I was the only one who could do it.
I miss Mason.
I am angry that he is deployed.
I am feeling sorry for myself.
Which just makes me feel stupid (and yes crappy) because I signed on for this gig. How can you complain about something you volunteered for.
Speaking of that.... it was hard to be a mom to my kids this week. I got all worked up about Mason being gone, and me having to do this all on my own. I would get mad a my friends (to myself) that they had their husbands around and they seemed just as busy as me and I wanted to yell "Not Bloody Likely".
I felt like a loser today at lunch. I have a baby sitter come once a week. Her only day off to come is Saturday.... which is the one day that EVERYONE else on the planet is spending with their family, or going to the fair, or going to the zoo, or going to a birthday party or blah blah blah.... Point is, no one is going with me out to lunch :-( So I felt like a loser sitting there by myself at the restaurant.
Then I felt even more crappy that I was complaining about not having a lunch date - I mean, HEY at least I was able to get out of the house and HAVE lunch without the kids.
Serves me right though... When I did get together with my friends this week... (play dates etc) I was in a grumpy mood... So I acted like a jerk, and snapped at Braden and made rude comments to strangers.... I was in rare form.
Tristan has a cold....(need I say more?)
The straw? Tonight when Braden and I were saying his prayers and signing the "good night song" he stopped me and asked if we could call dad and have him pray and sing with us.
side note: while he was away earlier this year (in the states for training) we were able to call him most nights of the week.
But when he is deployed it is a WHOLE different ballgame. I struggled to explain to Braden why we couldn't call Mason and I could tell that he wasn't really satisfied with the whole explanation... but accepted it anyway.... the whole thing broke my heart.
Hi, and welcome to Craptown, would you like a side order of crap to go along with your crap?
7 comments:
I wish, just once, someone "in charge" had to come and explain to a young child where their dad/mom is. There is a whole other world that many don't see. I wish it didn't have to be this way and I am sorry you are feeling this way. Hopefully it will pass-don't force it-you have the right to be angry!! I know I sure get that way!! :)
Love you!
Martha
*hugs*
I didn't use the cul de sac to cry today. Instead I closed myself in Owen's room to have my breakdown.
I wonder how old are kids will be before they "get" the deployment thing? Emma doesn't get it yet, and she's almost 8...
I know it's not much consolation, but I'm thinking about you and sending you positive vibes. I've been where you are... When there appears to be no end in sight. I'm sure your tired of hearing about your "strength" and how it will help you get through it, but Julia, you are the strongest chica I know. Give the AF a big middle finger take a deep breath and keep walking forward!
LOVE ALL OF YOU!
today was better.... a phone call (even if it is just 15 mintues) can really make a difference!
:-)
Being a single parent for the past 7 years .. I can "kinda" understand your pain.
Hearin' ya. Feelin' ya. Lovin' ya.
Ben, was gone Saturday. He's in Abilene. He'll be back tomorrow. If only I could have been your lunch partner... Nothing would have made me happier! I miss you.
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