Kinda like Death - Part 2

"I don't know how you handle it Julia....?"


That is the line I hear most often from Mom friends regarding Mason being away so much.

Today I got to talk with my friend who's husband is on his FIRST EVER deployment. She admitted to me that she was not doing well with it, and didn't understand why. "I don't know how you do it" she said. I answered " You just do, you have no choice. It's sink or swim."

But there is more to the answer than that:

1. Mason has been gone on and off since we have been married. We are use to it, its a part of our life. We don't like it and its not easier each time... but it is a part of us.

2. I try to surround myself with other women who are going through the same thing. It will only make it that much harder on you if all the functions you attend are filled with families with daddies around. FIND the military families and go to military events.... you won't feel so alone and your situation won't seem so different. Have military women friends to talk to and hang out with.

3. I have accepted that my expectations and what I thought were "rights" are just a construct of my own mind. Just because my reality is not mirrored to me through our culture (tv, print, friends) does not mean that my situation is wrong or bad.... just different.

I explained that what she going through is greif. She is mourning the loss of what she had and what her expectations were. It's not just missing her husband that affects her, its the idea that her situation is beyond her control. She can't change it OR fix it. She just has to deal with it.
Like dealth, un-alterable events force us to deal with change. Change is the root cause of suffering. When we let go of our expectations and our fear of change we can heal through our grief and learn to embrace life no matter how it comes to us.