8.31.2007

crying is sometimes a good thing

“The mention of my childs name may bring tears to my eyes but it never fails to bring music to my ears. If you really are my friend let me hear the beautiful music of his name. It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul."

2 comments:

Lisa (the girls' moma) said...

Julia, I know writing about William is difficult, but I am so glad you are. It's good to know how to react, what to say, so that I don't ever inadvertently hurt someone.

My mom suffered a stillbirth before I was born, and she still never talks about it. I've been thinking of her as I read your posts. I appreciate you giving me some insight into what she must go through.

I hope you always feel free to mention William, and I hope sometime I can mention his name to you so that you can hear that music.

Lisa

Julia Stewart said...

Thank you Lisa... your comments mean a lot to me!

I am sorry to hear about your mother. Mason's Aunt had her son die just after a few hours of life. And I can recall him talking to her a lot on the phone in the days after Williams passing.

Back then hospital staff were instructed to whisk away the baby as soon as it was delivered. No pictures were taken and rarely was the mother offered the chance to hold her baby or say good bye.

It was a whole different way of thinking... it was shamed and hushed up. The mother and father were told not to think about the baby not to talk about it and just move on with thier lives. S

I am so thankful that times have changed and that hospital staff are trained differently now.


Some questions that are okay to ask, even when it is difficult to talk about are : What was the baby's name... did you have any other names picked out?

Also, since she is your mom, you may feel comfortable asking if the baby is buried anywhere, or cremated...

Also, something as simple as "I am sorry that you experience that. I want you to know that I would love hearing about _______ , whether they are happy or sad memories." can go a long way...