Color Blind

Steven Colbert often says "I don't see color" when referring to people of color (POC). He is being funny of course and playing a role... because we all see color... we just respond to it differently.

I grew up in Maine and knew ONE person of color, a black guy in our theater group named Stan.

In high school I had a few black roommates, who I am sure I annoyed and pissed off by asking questions about their skin, their hair, the products they used for their skin and hair. I remember one girl (my first black roommate) telling me that her grandmother thought she was too light skinned, and as a baby she would put her in the sun for long periods of time to get darker. It didn't work though, she would just burn.

At the time I didn't understand how important skin color was. I knew there were people who didn't like others because of the way they looked. I just didn't understand that it was much more complicated than that.

Boy howdy is it complicated. I didn't realize how much the color of a person affects them in their life. I didn't realize that there was such a thing as white privilege. I thought that Black Americans had this wonderful sense of community, history and heritage until I learned that the last names they all carry originated from the last name of the white slave owner who owned their ancestors. I took for granted that if I really wanted to I could trace my family back to Europe and where we originated from. Black Americans have no way of finding what part of Africa (country or tribe) they are from.

I have friends with blended (multi-racial) families. Some by marriage, some by birth and some by adoption. My friend Natasha writes about her family and the relentless questions she gets asked about her two bio kids and her two (obvious) adopted kids.

I cringe when I read her posts.... I used to be that person. I would get into other peoples business and ask them stupid questions " are they all yours" "do they have the same father" "are they adopted". I thought I was being nice and that they would welcome the interest. I now see that the questions are rude, and really none of my business.

What reason did I have to talk to people or children of color any differently? I placed a burden on them with my questions. A burden of education. In effect I was asking them to teach me .... teach me about this "new thing" that I am experiencing... How different, odd, quaint.

How horrible must I have made these parents and children feel. As if I was NORMAL and they were this oddity to share and educate the world.

Even worse, some people who ask these questions have ulterior motives. They disapprove of the way these families have come together. Some people are outright in their disapproval some are passive aggressive. No one should be subjected to that.

I still have questions, but I also have a few close friends that I can ask them. I try to educate myself by other means (books, magazine articles, blogs).

And each day I try to see the world from other people's point of view.