I'm leaving on a jet plane...

Mason just walked out the door. I stood in my parents hallway and watch him walk out the laundry room door into the garage where my dad was waiting in the car to take him to the airport. In a flash I saw all the other times I have watched Mason leave. Just like in the movies I see over lapping scenes of Mason (at varying ages) walking away. Down the jet bridge to the plane, to an awaiting car... doesn't matter. It is always the same. In one moment I have him in my arms, and in the next he's gone.

The first time was in June 1992. I was standing outside the girls dormitory in front of a big yellow school bus. It was the end of my Junior year in high school and everyone was leaving for the summer. The bus was headed to the airport. I stood there crying. Loud sobs with tears and snot running down my face.

Since then there have been all sorts of reasons for leaving. The relationship was over, vacation is over, summer is over, school is beginning, job is beginning, the war has begun. 15 years of coming and going. 15 years of saying goodbye, I love you.

It doesn't get easier or harder. The circumstances are always so different. I don't sob anymore either.... just quiet tears as I watch (him, the car, the plane) get smaller and smaller and then eventually disappear.


Jen said...

Sorry. I love you and I'm thinking about you!

martha.durham said...

So sorry. It is not a good feeling! I hope you are enjoying St. Louis. Looking forward to chatting when you get back.
Love and miss you!!!!