by Sarah Napthali from the book Buddhism for Mothers (adapted by me)
Accept that any relationship and the individuals within it go through seasons. No stage is permanent with our partners and with ourselves.
Dare to initiate improvement in the relationship.
Remember that your children are learning from watching your relationship.
Stop and realize when are find yourself getting caught in destructive patterns of relating to each other... such as bickering blaming or criticising.
Check that your love for your partner is not attachment (meaning that we expect our partners to provide our happiness for us... "if they really loved me than they would xyz."), and to make sure that it includes loving kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy and equanimity.
Take responsibility for your own role in any relationship difficulties.
Realize that you can choose your responses, they are not the inevitable result of your situation.
Consider your partners point of view often.
Recognize the importance of compassion for yourself- remind your self of your own acts of kindness.
Make time to work on your relationship with YOURSELF....delight in solitude.
Sort out the allocation of domestic labor in a skillful way RATHER than with overt conflict and avoid accepting a deal that oppresses yourself and encourages family members to be irresponsible.
Remember that your mode of speech sets the tone for the house and is contagious.
Pause before you speak.
Endeavour to keep your speech truthful, kind, gentle and helpful.
Speak to the right person - which is sometimes yourself.
Learn the value of restraint and postponement.
Consider expressing more appreciation and fewer complaints to your partner.
Take time to listen to your partner without judging, interrupting or steering the conversation.