living my life like it's golden

Rant

2010-01-23T13:40:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow Braden and I are heading off to yet another birthday party for one of his classmates. Although I am grateful for the invitation (because it gives me a chance to meet the parents of Braden's friends) I am finding the gift situation to be very frustrating.

On each invitation I receive there is no mention of gift protocol, which leads me to assume that it is expected to bring a gift. There isn't a mention of a gift wish list either, because of course that would be too presumptuous.

Each time that I call the parents to RSVP I briefly ask about what their child is interested in. I don't want to make the effort of going to the store and buying something and wrapping it and hauling it there only to find out that little johnny hates Spider man and will only play with Batman. But the answer I inevitably receive is "Oh, Susie is into everything, she likes everything. It's really not a big deal, whatever you think she'll like is fine".

Great.

Now I know that the parents tell me this to relieve the pressure, but it just puts more pressure on me. I have been to these parties... people buy these kids REAL gifts..20-30 kind of gifts... not just a 8.99 transformer...

So now I am left to wander the aisles of Target trying to 'guess' what some 6 year old (whom I have never met) is going to like.

Each time this happens it frustrates me and I wonder why we don't do something purposeful with all of this. Like having each kid draw a picture or each of us bring a toy that gets donated. Why perpetuated this consumption of stuff that obviously is not important or a big deal?

OR - tell me a good idea for your kid. For heaven sakes their your kid, not mine - surely you could take a second or two and think of something that would be useful or fun ...

It just drives me crazy!

lighting

2010-01-18T07:45:00.005-06:00

We had our first trip to the ER last night, and our first round of stitches. Braden hit his forehead on the corner of our rock steps in the front yard. The baby sitters were just about to arrive, and we were headed out the door for a fun adult only evening.... or so we had hoped.

I could hear Braden screaming, and I knew it was bad. A trip upstairs to clean up confirmed what I had imagined... a small but VERY deep gash - smack dab in the middle of his forehead.

We promptly walked downstairs and got in the car to head to the hospital. I picked the one closest to us.

The place was packed. PACKED. And Braden was very scared. He knew what was coming, and the thought of a needle in his head had sent him over the edge. He was already tired, from a long weekend of fun and we hadn't had any dinner yet either. The strange people and noises that greeted us upon arrival had him shaking.

We were promptly checked in and I filled out all the necessary paperwork. After about 20 minutes we were escorted to the "fast track" waiting room. It was completely empty and there was a TV... the combination of the two had an immediate calming effect on B. Another 20 minutes later we were placed in a room.....

Braden had perked up a bit at this point and seemed to be pretty at ease while we laid around waiting for the doctor.

Finally (almost 45 minutes) the doctor arrived. After a brief chat he and I agreed that stitches would be best and after a few shots of litacaine we were in good shape... or so we thought.

Apparently all those shots did not completely numb up the area. I was later told that there are hundreds of nerves in the forehead and face and that partial numbess is pretty common. After one stitch, and much screaming (since the doctor didn't believe Braden that he could still feel what was going on) we stopped and tried to numb the area up more. Which just produced more screaming about his nose (aparently the doc struck a nerve with the needle)... realizing that no more amount of juicing B up was going to help we decided to push ahead with the last two stitches.

Total time in that little room was 2 hours. Most of which, Braden had been lying on his back to keep his head from gushing blood. Most of the time I sat next to him wondering how in the heck this would have gone if it had been Tristan lying there... not as well I imagine.

Besides the obviously stinky reason that we were there, it was actually a pretty enjoyable 2 hours. It had been a while since Braden and I just sat and visited. He is old enough now to carry on a conversation about how he feels, what he is thinking and about the future, which made the time pass (kinda) quickly. He was so interested in the whole process, and about all the stuff in the room, from the instruments on the wall to the "what level is your pain" poster. He made mention of Mason and me trading in our date night for a doctor appointment date night instead.

The idea that Harry Potter has a scar like he is going to have seemed to not only comfort him but perk him up a bit. I think the chocolate ice cream that was waiting for him at home did too.

missing!

2010-01-14T19:12:00.004-06:00

Braden lost his first tooth, last night while Mason was putting him to bed. I missed the whole thing because I was a church. I can't believe I missed it! My friend tried to reassure me by saying "oh, there are so many more to come". I know.... but this was my first's first. Last week when he told me it was lose, I became pretty emotional. It was a milestone for him, for sure, but I felt like in that moment I lost whatever "baby" was left in my almost 7 year old.

I had been mulling around the tooth fairy stuff for some time now. Wondering how we were going to approach this as a family. I decided to play along, for now... hoping he doesn't ask me outright about "who" the tooth fairy really is.

The other aspect of all this I had been thinking about was what kind of "tooth holder" to get. I mean, you can't just put a tooth under a pillow ... it has to IN something that gets put under the pillow... right ;-). When I was a little girl I had a small yellow pillow with a tiny pocket on the front .... but that lacy pillow wouldn't work for my boys. I found other "tooth shaped" pillows over the years, but nothing really jumped out at me.

Just a few weeks ago I was in St Louis for Thanksgiving and while at the Galleria I stopped in Restoration Hardware.... where I found it!!! A small tooth shaped plastic case that glows in the dark.... It worked perfectly.

Being able to "be" the tooth fairy later that night, made up for missing the 'actual' falling out. I snuck into Braden's room and found the case. I went down stairs and sat down with a pile of foreign money to find the best looking coin to put inside his case. The foreign money idea comes from my friend Annie... and we have a bunch of coins - so I thought it would be a perfect idea.

I wanted the tooth thing to be fun. But what I didn't want it to be about was, MORE STUFF... dollars and toys. That worked perfectly too. He was very excited about his Nuevo Peso (I chose that one because it is gold and silver) He took it to school and carried it in his pocket for a few days!

goodbye yellow brick road

2010-01-14T07:53:00.001-06:00

Okay -so awhile back I said I was going private, and I really did have all the intention in the world to, but truth be told, as people emailed me to put them on the list, it started to freak me out a bit. I mean, I know who reads my blog.... but I really don't want to KNOW who reads my blog... ya know? There is something about it being open and anonymous that makes me feel better, makes me feel that NO one is reading... I like the idea of my words just resting out there in cyber space. So instead of going private, I think I am going to just leave. I didn't write anything all December, and didn't miss it one bit. And this month is the 3rd anniversary of the blog, and it is a pretty significant snippet of what my life has been like the past 3 years. Sometimes you should quit while you are ahead... plus, I am not a writer... never have been, never really wanted to be.... so.....

how many years has it been?

2010-01-13T14:00:00.005-06:00

My mother has been gone so long that I forget now how many years it has been. I use the term, most of my life. I can remember when I could use the term, a few years - or - half of my life.... but now I have graduated to MOST of my life.

Famous People Alert

2010-01-11T22:09:00.002-06:00

Over 2 years ago I wrote about my reaction to the Duggar family having their 17th baby. Today in the hospital I MET Michelle Duggar while walking down the hall at the Children's Hospital here. Apparently their newest baby came very early and had been struggling to survive. Which at the time I did not know. Good thing I didn't whip out my cell phone for a picture.... believe me I was tempted.

Seeing her there with some other family members standing right outside where T gets his therapy every week was really weird..... well, okay it always throws me for a loop when I see someone famous, but this was doubly weird. We chatted briefly as we walked down the hall. She was a very petite woman and soft spoken. She smiled a lot at T who was running a head of us.

If there was serious trouble with the baby, her face did not show it... it wasn't until I saw Jim Bob (the husband) at the end of the hall and noticed his expression that I realized what was really going on.

10 years

2010-01-08T11:04:00.002-06:00

That is how long I have been married.... Today 10 years ago Mason and I said our vows.

I feel all of those 10 years. The good, the bad, the tragic and all the love that comes with it.

10 years ago I stood, looking at Mason while tears gently streamed down my face as he dedicated his life to me. Later he admitted to me that he thought I was crying because I didn't really want to marry him.... which I assured him was NOT the case. I was crying because for almost 8 years (ever since we first dated) I had dreamed of that moment.

Pretty much since I met him being with him was ONLY goal for much of my young life.

I wonder now if I would have felt that way if he hadn't moved to another school, or if my father and his mother supported us, instead of trying to keep us apart (which in my experience only pushes people together more).

It amazes me now, to look back on myself and realize that I had NO other goals or ambitions. I didn't have a world or a life with out him.

Not that we stayed together for all that time. He broke up with me several times, leaving me completely heartbroken and destitute. At one point my step mother said she was really concerned about my safety and was worried I would hurt myself. And I wasn't just a victim in all of this either, I did a lot of things then that I am not very proud of now.

I look back on all that, a bit embarrassed that I was so immature. That I couldn't see the forest for the trees and wonder if I had been more mature, more focus, more secure, more brave I could have become something, or done something.

All around me I had friends with career goals and aspirations. They knew what they wanted to do or to be, and for the ones who didn't they were brave enough to venture out on their own, exploring and traveling and discovering. All the while, I hid behind insecurity and lack of confidence in myself.

But in the end I did get what I wanted. My night in shining armour, to love me and protect me all the days of my life....

What a huge role I had assigned to Mason... how unfair of me to do that to him. When you live for someone else you place not only a burden on yourself, but on them as well. We place too much on each other and we almost collapsed under the pile of "shoulds".

I tried living for my kids for awhile, which is pretty easy thing to do when they are little. And I almost lost myself completely doing that.

And then Mason left for 6 months, and this blog was born (thanks Jen) and I was all by myself with only myself and lots of time on my hands. These years here, have been the hardest for me. It is hard, to find your voice, to find your confidence, to find your dreams. But I think I have. Now that I have found them (taken them off the shelf) I have to do something with them. I have to live for myself. And I am very happy and grateful that Mason still wants to be apart of that for (at least) the next 10 years!

1 hr 45 min

2010-01-08T10:58:00.004-06:00

That is how long I sat in the bathroom with Tristan after lunch, waiting around for him to poo. His potty training had been going well until the holidays hit, and then I just didn't put it as a priority. So yesterday, fed up with him popping in his diaper at nap time I dug in my heels.

Because really when a person WANTS to do something, they do it.... all excuses aside. I call this the car seat effect.

Pretty much every kid I know sits in a car seat, every time they ride in a car. No matter how much they fuss and scream their parents put up with it and strap them in because the parents believe that it is THAT important.

This should be the only parenting philosophy that you need. If you want your kid to do something, don't give them any other option. That doesn't mean you hit or yell or threaten or bride.... you just don't give them any other choice.

And yesterday that is what I did. I sat on a stool between the toilet and the door and waited.

and today what took almost 2 hours was accomplished in 20 minutes......

tonights gonna be a good night!

2009-12-31T23:26:00.004-06:00

We cancelled our plans to go out and instead went to the Davis's house to celebrate. It was a great choice, a great night and this (i think) is a great picture that sums it all up!

John and Paul

2009-12-30T20:09:00.003-06:00

Sometimes a little help from your friends is necessary when you are dealing with Legos!

last breakfast with Nana

2009-12-29T19:57:00.000-06:00

You know the Christmas holiday is over when Nana has to go home. :-( it was a sad day all around.

children's museum outing

2009-12-28T23:15:00.000-06:00

it sounded like a good idea at the time... but once he got up there he thought better of it!

thank you ebay!

2009-12-27T16:51:00.000-06:00

Classic battleship rocks!

twinseys

2009-12-26T18:06:00.001-06:00

Tristan and Grandpa have on matching shirts. Mom thought it would be a great idea to get a nice picture of the two of them being all matchy matchy. This is as close to Grandpa as Tristan would get with out screaming and crying...

Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-25T12:14:00.000-06:00

C is for Cookie!

2009-12-24T22:20:00.000-06:00

Mr. Willowby's Christmas Tree

2009-12-23T20:22:00.000-06:00

flash back

2009-12-22T21:26:00.001-06:00

I have spent the better part of 3 days scanning and uploading pictures from my mother-in-law's photo albums so I can put all the files on a new digital brag book, which is her present for Christmas. And, I am also sick.... which means, instead of a photo of the boys or me you get a picture of Mason and his mom during Christmas time circa early 80s!

oh, he excels at that sir!

2009-12-21T23:38:00.000-06:00

bliss

2009-12-20T21:45:00.000-06:00

keep on keeping on

2009-12-19T22:56:00.000-06:00

some days this is the best it gets.....

checking out the chassis

2009-12-18T22:50:00.000-06:00

FUN night

2009-12-17T21:35:00.001-06:00

Kerry and I didn't make it into the shot....just the hubbies and the kiddos... (and Calhoun)....

A WONDERFUL night of friends and fellowship and laughter and conversation ..... how lucky are we!

Each person took a turn lighting the candles. Everybody lit one for a different reason: Friends, love, commitment...

We ended the night with a raucous round of spin the dreidel... which works much better with lots of people and chocolate....

alrighty then

2009-12-16T22:07:00.000-06:00

glasses - check
fire hat - check
sword - check

Okay - He's ready.... for what... I don't know... but Tristan is ON it!

Big Boy

2009-12-15T23:32:00.001-06:00

Every one marks the transition from baby to big boy differently. In the Stewart house it is when you can eat a "real" (crunchy) taco all by yourself!

SO proud!

2009-12-14T21:17:00.001-06:00

Over Thanksgiving break while we were in St. Louis Braden learned to play chess with my dad. This past weekend he asked Mason to play with him. Yesterday he beat Mason for the first time! He was VERY pleased with himself!

saturday morning

2009-12-13T18:42:00.000-06:00

everyone loves iphone......

Happy Hanukkah!

2009-12-12T20:52:00.000-06:00

loves his llama

2009-12-11T14:15:00.001-06:00

Every night before I go to bed I check on the boys. To make sure the temperature is right, that an arm or leg isn't caught in a bed rail to just watch them sleep. Last night (in the dark) I saw something I hadn't seen in a very long time. Braden was cuddling with his Llama in pajamas. Ever since he had a big boy bed he had his Llama with him, but rarely did I ever see him "hold on " to him. I snuck back in with my camera.... I couldn't resist. Who knows when I will see this again...

lego advent

2009-12-10T22:07:00.002-06:00

not such a bad tradition after all!

even colder still

2009-12-09T22:39:00.001-06:00

although you can't see it, there is an air vent under that bod.... apparently he wanted to make sure he was going to stay warm!

too cool for school

2009-12-08T20:05:00.000-06:00

just an everyday morning, hanging out, making his calls....

Happy Birthday

2009-12-07T21:56:00.001-06:00

Today Calhoun turns 10! I can hardly believe it. I can still remember his first birthday in Del Rio. I threw a doggie birthday party for him and his friends. Today we celebrated quietly... but I did get him his favorite toy - a hedgehog from Petsmart. He'll chew on it until he splits it open... every year it takes him just a bit longer than before.

hard working bear

2009-12-06T17:40:00.001-06:00

The kitchen upgrading has begun!

in my element

2009-12-05T19:50:00.000-06:00

I spent most of the day cleaning and organizing a storage closet at church..... it was heaven!

men in uniform

2009-12-04T09:05:00.000-06:00

I love it when Mason can take Braden to school in the morning. I love them in their respective uniforms.... I do NOT love the kitchen however... check out that paint color and the flooring!!!

cold cold cold

2009-12-03T22:36:00.002-06:00

We went to the local Christmas Tree Farm today. They had a small petting zoo, pig races and hot chocolate... and oh yeah, they had trees too!

camera boy

2009-12-02T13:20:00.001-06:00

Mom has her camera out a lot these days... Tristan thought he should too!

annual photo shoot

2009-12-01T18:08:00.000-06:00

It just never goes the way its planned in my head.... :-)

fall fun

2009-11-30T09:16:00.001-06:00

my child came home today

2009-11-16T16:29:00.001-06:00

with his face painted. He had been down at the Children's Museum for a "thanksgiving" field trip. I have no idea what went on down there, or who was leading the 'educational' activity but I was pretty sure that Braden didn't really learn anything very accurate about Native Americans by slapping 'war' paint on.

I sent out a question on facebook to see if painting ones face like this was akin to blackface. The answer I received was that if it is done with good intentions then it was NOT like blackface.... I am not too convinced.

grandparents day

2009-11-13T18:02:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while grief jumps out at you and catches you by surprise. My Aunt Karen and I were at Braden's school for the annual Grandparents Day. We were sitting in the auditorium watching the elementary and Preschool classes sing about Arkansas. After the hour long program the president of the school got on the mic and thanked us all for our support and for coming out to watch the kids. Then he turned and introduced the music teacher that had organized the whole performance. The woman was seated with her back to us, at a giant electric keyboard. She got up and did a half turn and waved at us, then sat back down.

In that moment tears began to well up and I started to cry. In that moment I saw my mother. Who for years I watched sit behind a piano and direct students on stage. And in that split second of those memories flashing in my head my heart poured out anguish that she was gone. She doesn't know Braden or Tristan or Mason.... She has missed it all, and I have missed sharing it with her. I silently cried with my Aunt's arm around me. Her love just made me feel that much worse. I felt guilty that she had to bear this burden. It wasn't her job to take me on... but she did, and she has loved me like a mother, and treated me like a daughter for 20 years. Most of the time her presence and love is a comfort, but in that moment it was just a reminder of how much I had lost.

sad but true

2009-11-10T21:56:00.006-06:00

Once a week Tristan goes to the Children's Hospital here for PT and OT. And for an hour and a half I hang around the hospital. Sometimes I talk to other mothers, or watch TV or read. A few times I have wandered around the gift shop.

Last Friday I was in the gift shop looking for a few little gifts for my friend La Rae's kiddos. They had stopped by to us on their way home from Florida. These kids had been in the car for DAYS. I knew that this last leg of the trip was getting pretty rough and I thought a new toy would help the time pass more quickly.

So I went to the gift shop to check out what they had.

And man, did they have some really neat stuff. And then (as I wandered around the store) it dawned on me why this particular store had so many great choices of car trip toys.... A toy/book/game that could be played in your lap sitting down......and I was intensely sad and grateful all at the same time.

whip it

2009-11-10T21:56:00.004-06:00

It took awhile... but after 20 odd years or so, I finally feel confident. I feel like I can bet on myself and know that I will come out on top. I see my own potential. I really really understand what people mean by dreaming big, and seeing something through.

can't eat nothin'

2009-11-10T21:55:00.004-06:00

I am starting to freak out over food. Every night as dinner time approaches I start to get a bit panicky about what everyone is going to have for dinner. It seems like nothing is good for you anymore, and all the stuff that is good tastes (at least to me) horrible.

It is really the boys that I worry about. I freak out about them eating too much meat, or eating too many starches or eating way too much cheese. I feel like sometimes all Tristan eats is different variations on starch and cheese. I have taken to making spinach pizzas so that he can get a veggie in at lunch time. All the things I like to eat, wraps, salads and such (which you can pack with veggies and hummus) the boys don't like eating.

Plus all the stuff that is fun to eat, which I use to reward myself with is taking its toll on me. I can't eat any sugar, or alcohol or fried stuff... they all do a number on me. I can't even eat diabetic stuff either, the fake sugar messes with me more than the real stuff.

It gets me down. I get depressed thinking about it. It reminds me of my mortality.

The most ridiculous part of it all is that I panic so much about eating at home that I don't buy any groceries so we are forced to go out to eat... and I end up eating the same crap I was worried about us eating in the first place.

snails and puppy dog tails

2009-11-09T13:29:00.006-06:00

Braden has a new best friend. His adventure, exploring fun friend (as he puts it). He loves his new friend Andrew. Andrew is a boys boy. Loves climbing trees, turning up rocks, digging holes... you name it. And Braden is only too happy to be right there next to him.
Since the rain has stopped the boys have been outside in the front and back yards most of their weekends. They go out and spend HOURS out there playing. They don't come in until dark. With all of the trees and hills and rocks and leaves and bugs and sticks and run off streams there is so much for them to do out there. It is a back yard made for exploration and imagination. On Sunday Braden announced they were playing 'secret tunnel'.

It does me (and him) good to watch him play like that.

worst test market research results ever

2009-11-09T13:29:00.005-06:00

While walking to school today Braden and I were talking about Christmas... and the conversation turned to Santa. He mentioned how he wanted to sleep in the living room on Christmas Eve so he could see Santa delivering the gifts.

After a pause I asked him if Santa was real or pretend (as I have since he was 3). He answered, without hesitation "pretend". And then stopped walking. He looked up at me and asked "well, if he is pretend who brings all the presents?"
"That's a very good question" I replied.
"We should look it up on the Internet" he suggested. I smiled.

"Who do you think brings the presents?" I asked
"That is a tricky question mom...... do you know who brings all the presents?" he persisted.

I was cornered. He had asked a direct question, and even though I totally didn't' want to ruin everything I kinda asked for it... so I bit the bullet and said "We all do. Everyone supplies the presents."

I could see him thinking about my answer. He stopped again, and looked up at me "Mom, that's silly.... everyone isn't going up and down the chimneys!"

I laughed, and we kept on walking. I was amazed that the myth and magic of Santa was so strong that he was trying to bend reality to fit the story. I was kinda glad that he still is trying to figure out the mystery. I think that is half the fun.

On the other hand I was a bit bummed out that my own son, the exact target for the book that I have just written to explain this very thing didn't seem to remember anything from the book. I may have to up my age appropriateness rating from 5 to about 8 since my original target audience didn't seem to get the message at all.

silly....

2009-11-09T13:27:00.001-06:00

Today while playing Connect 4 (and I use the term playing loosely) Tristan was deciding which color he wanted to be. He placed his finger by his lips and uttered "hmm.... let's see"

as easy as finding needle in a hay stack

2009-11-09T13:25:00.002-06:00

If the person who invented that saying had only lived in West Little Rock it could have easily been "as easy as finding poo on the lawn which is covered with leaves".

blondie

2009-11-09T11:49:00.001-06:00

We bought a new phone a few weeks ago. I should say 'phone system' because we bought the whole enchilada. The base with answering machine and handset, plus it came with 3 other single sets for the rest of the house.

The old answering machine got stashed away in the laundry room until a few days ago when I started cleaning and reorganizing that area to get ready for some construction that is going to take place.

Just to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything I went through and listened to all 36 saved voicemail messages.

The first two had been saved for over two years. They were of Megan (Braden's best friend in Abilene) leaving one of her first ever voicemail messages.... it was hard to let that one go. The other was of Mason calling me from the desert. He didn't really say anything to profound; it was just the tone of his voice that I liked. I wanted to make sure that I had a 'good' recording of his voice... just in case..... You think about that kinda stuff when your man is deployed.

The rest of the messages were all from the 7 week period preceding and including our move from the rental house to our newly purchased one. It was quite surreal sitting on the floor of the family room listening to all these voices from the past. At first it was my Auntie, then the loan guy, then the previous owner of the house, then the nasty rental agent etc etc....

I felt it was quite symbolic to delete those messages one by one before finally tossing the machine... it felt very good... very freeing.

money money money

2009-11-08T08:49:00.005-06:00

Braden has become enamored with football. A lot of his friends from school play, so he hears about it all the time. The school's football team is really important to the school too, so he hears about that a lot also. So much so that he informed us (the other day at dinner) that if you play on the team you receive free tuition... hmmmmm

We went to our first game a few weeks ago. It was the last home game and it wasn't raining and Braden really wanted to go. It was great to be able to just walk up to the field. We had fun walking in the dark. It was essentially the same route we take to school and Braden enjoyed pointing out how everything looked different at night. We arrived during the first quarter and left in the middle of the third. Braden talks a good game about liking football, but gets bored pretty quickly.

This past week I DVR'd the game on ESPNU.... yeah, that's right ... a high school football game on ESPN... with ESPN announcers and all that (graphics, stats etc). During one of the fills they were showing footage from practice. It has been so rainy here that the field was really wet. So a father of a kid on the team ...... and I kid you not........... lent the school his HELICOPTER so that they could hover over the field and try to dry it out!!!!

I would have not believed it if I hadn't seen the video myself......

Holy jeeze.....

fly from the beauty salon

2009-11-08T08:49:00.004-06:00

Tristan loves the blow dryer. Since it has been chilly here I dry his hair before going out. It has become such a routine that he asks for it as I am taking him out of the tub. "Bo Diver.... Bo Diver? Bo Diver momma !"

Christmas cd!

2009-11-07T16:15:00.002-06:00

I have my new CD all made!!! I am super excited about it too! It put me in such a good mood listening to it while I was arranging where the songs should go. It has helped that I have been saving music from other years that I haven't used... so this time I had most of my songs gathered already. I think it is a fun theme with some unusual but familiar songs.... I can't wait to send it out.... ! If anyone needs a good stocking stuff idea on the cheap I sell them for 1 buck per cd!

slack blogging

2009-11-07T10:06:00.001-06:00

I don't know if I am busier now than I have been in the past. Or if I am just figuring out stuff in my head instead of on paper but I find that I don't blog passionately as much as I use to.

I think it is because Mason is home much more now than he was in the first few years of the blog. So, that is a good thing.

I was reading last years November posts. I liked being able to look back at a whole month of pictures of the boys. I think I will do that again this year... must wait until December though... I am to anal to start mid month!

No one laughs at God in a hospital

2009-11-05T08:08:00.003-06:00

Laughing With God – Regina Spektor

No one laughs at God in a hospital; No one laughs at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very poor.
No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests.
No one’s laughing at God when it’s gotten real late,
And their kid’s not back from the party yet.
No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake.
No one’s laughing at God when they see the one they love,Hand in hand with someone else,
And they hope that they’re mistaken.
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door, and they say we got some bad news, sir.
No one’s laughing at God when there’s a famine or fire or flood.

But God can be funny at a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke,
Or when the crazies say He hates us;
And they get so red in the head you think they’re ‘bout to choke.

God can be funny, when told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way.
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini;
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus . . . . God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital; No one laughs at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God when they’ve lost all they’ve got, and they don’t know what for.
No one laughs at God on the day they realize that the last sight they’ll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes.
No one’s laughing at God when they’re saying their goodbyes.

But God can be funny at a cocktail party when listening to a good God-themed joke,
Or when the crazies say He hates us; And they get so red in the head
you think they’re ‘bout to choke.
God can be funny, when told he’ll give you money if you just pray the right way.
And when presented like a genie who does magic like Houdini;
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus . . . . God can be so hilarious.
No one laughs at God in a hospital; No one laughs at God in a war.

No one laughs at God in a hospital; No one laughs at God in a war.
No one laughs at God in a hospital; No one laughs at God in a war.
No one laughing at God in hospital; No one’s laughing at God in a war.
No one’s laughing at God when they’re starving or freezing or so very poor.
No one’s laughing at God; No one’s laughing at God; No one’s laughing at God.
We’re all laughing with God.

choice

2009-11-03T18:56:00.001-06:00

I have always been fascinated with stories of innovation in the business world. It amazes me that something usually so obvious and simple takes a company/person YEARS to figure out.

As we all know the first cars (Fords) came only in one color. Black. It took a bunch of years and new company (GM) to come up with the idea of offering a color choice to consumers. As you can imagine - GM cars sold like hotcakes.

Apparently we have come full circle with this idea, or I just happened to buy a VERY popular minivan in a VERY popular color. Every few days while I am out and about, I mistake someone else's minivan for mine. I walk right up while pushing my unlock button and become confused when it won't unlock. It takes me a second to register that I am standing in front of the wrong car.

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T20:56:00.000-05:00

doin' it doin' doin' it well

2009-10-30T18:44:00.003-05:00

Today was Braden's Halloween party and costume parade today at school. Having just been at Tristan's yesterday, (which was cute) besides walking down the hall there wasn't much to it and I wasn't expecting much from Braden's school.

Boy howdy was I wrong. This was a costume extravaganza! Every teacher was dressed up... to the hilt. Wigs, makeup and fancy costumes. Music was playing when we arrived and then our emcee took the stage. Frankenstein (which I know is really Frankenstein's monster...but whatever) and the Bride of Frankenstein were our hosts. She must have been the drama teacher or something, because in full accent and Halloween puns she narrated the whole parade. While background music played each teacher would walk their class up on the stage (in the huge theater) for everyone to see. With each teacher and each class the commentary became more colorful as the "Bride" mentioned certain costumes.

I LOVED the whole thing. I think my mom would have loved it too. It was the kinda of thing she would have volunteered for. The teachers looked amazing (did I say that already?) My favorite was moaning Myrtle complete with toilet seat hanging around her neck. Runner up goes to the witch with dry ice in her cauldron that she carried around.

Much Fun!

Luxury

2009-10-29T10:23:00.002-05:00

I overheard a woman on her cell phone in Target explaining to her friend that she need to buy more clothing for her baby girl because she only wanted to do laundry once a week!

S M A T ... i mean S M A R T

2009-10-27T16:31:00.002-05:00

There was a chipmunk in our house today. Not a big grey fuzzy squirrel, but an honest to goodness tiny reddish-brown chipmunk.

We have no idea how he got in. And we quickly had to think of a way to get him out before Calhoun noticed him and starting running around like a crazy dog since Tristan was sleeping upstairs.

He ran into the laundry room. We closed him (and us) in, leaving Calhoun in the kitchen. We opened up the door to the garage and then pushed the button to raise up the garage door.

Once the door was open, the chipmunk, with no help from us, dashed right on out both doors.

How did he know how to do that so quickly?

dressing up

2009-10-27T16:30:00.005-05:00

Halloween is upon us. Mason and I were at Tristan's school this morning to watch the costume parade and in a few minutes I am going back up to help with the class party.

All of this being a parent during a holiday at school causes me to think a lot about my mom and dad when I was a child.

I can remember in 5th grade parents coming to school all dressed up to play games with my class. I can remember they had masks on and so you couldn't tell who they were. I don't recall them speaking either.

Apparently they were my parents. And their disguise was so good that I had NO idea it was them.

As the story goes, that upset my mother. She didn't like the fact that she had "pulled the wool over my eyes" and she also didn't want to come right out and tell me it was them as she didn't want to embarrass me. So she left the costumes in the back of the car that day so that I would see them and figure them out for myself.

In stories like that I am reminded that my mother was PURPOSEFUL in her decisions for me and she never faltered in putting me first (even when she was ill). My aim is to be that intentional with my boys, always thinking of the best ways to go about something.

WNL

2009-10-27T16:30:00.004-05:00

Tristan just walked into the bedroom and said... "Hi mom, what are you doing?"

He is now scoring within normal limits for speech... just barely.... but still... we are super pleased!

lock and key

2009-10-26T22:18:00.002-05:00

At Kroger today I was trying to find some personal items. The kind where you would need two people to participate. I finally found what I was looking for which also included some sticks that see into your future if you pee on them right.

All these articles were in a glass cabinet, under the pharmacy counter. The cabinet was lock, and only a manger had a key.... the store manager... not just the pharmacy or section manager.

As you can imagine I didn't want to try and hunt down a store manager to 'allow' me to purchase my products. So I just decided to keep the items on my list for my next Target run.

I am not sure why they are putting this stuff in a locked case. The craft glue and diet pills weren't under lock and key. That stuff is way more dangerous. I would think you would want to ENCOURAGE use of these planning and protecting products. The only reason I can think of for locking all the junk up is some sort of conservative notion that if sex is forbidden no one will do it. When of course the opposite is true... they will just go and do it without protection.

But... that aside.... back to me! Like I really want EVERYONE to notice that I am the dork at the cabinet. I still feel weird when I purchase lady products.... even after all these years. I am certainly not going to spend my time and my privacy on a purchasing a product that is doubling embarrassing.For all the nerve and courage it takes to just take them to the check out line... now you have to be pre-screened by the key holder.

stage 2

2009-10-26T22:14:00.002-05:00

I finally got a hold of the head of the ECS school about the playground issue. She sounded pretty surprise at the level of chaos and the inaction of the adults there. But she also sounded like she really wanted to hear my thoughts and opinions, so that was good. I was happy that I had some notes written out, so I could stay on point. We spoke on the phone for 10-15 minutes and I laid out the issues, and threw out some solutions. She thanked me, told me her door was always open and that she intends to follow up on it.

And when it stops raining I intend to go back and watch a few more recesses.

I am goin' private

2009-10-25T23:08:00.004-05:00

After only some thought and not too much deliberation.... I think I am turning this blog private.... for a couple reasons.... but the main one is that I am starting up my own business here in Little Rock... getting a website for it too.... it's not up and running yet... but I will let you know when it is.... and I think that it may be better for business if people weren't able to find my ramblings and inner most thoughts about stupid crap on the internet....

I have no idea how to go private and I still have probably about a week or so before I get my act together... but I just thought I should let you know....

If you know me in real life or on face book then just shoot me an email that you want to keep following me... otherwise just post a comment here and I will figure out the rest....

Gun's and Roses

2009-10-25T17:14:00.003-05:00

I was quite lazy today... I stayed in my jammies until almost 3. And since I was in my jammies, the boys were too, which meant no one was outside on a gorgeous fall day.

How is it that for the first 26 years of my life (well maybe not the first 5) I got up, showered, dressed and had my day... ? and now, when I am a mom, when it matters most I stay up too late, and drag my butt out of bed late and drive my kid to school with 5 minutes to spare?

I set the tone for the house. If I am up and organized and active than the day goes smoother. If I fall apart, so does everything else. So it would stand to reason (knowing this) that I would be more responsible.

I think subconsciously I am rebelling against the increased responsibility. Especially at night (or when Mason is home) I get selfish and want to watch TV or sit on the computer and I ignore everything around me. That makes me feel bad about myself. That I am being a lazy mom. I need to hold myself accountable....

lesson learned

2009-10-24T22:36:00.003-05:00

While staring into the sun sitting in my $5.99 chair from Academy Sports on Saturday I had an epiphany. I finally figured out what was ticking me off about soccer this whole time.

This was our first year in soccer. I knew absolutely nothing about what to expect or what the process would be. But I did have some assumptions. And on Saturday (5 weeks into this project) it dawned on me what they were.

I assumed that signing up for and participating in Soccer was going to be like all the other lessons I have signed Braden up for in the past. We sign up, we pay, and a profession instructor instructs him on whatever the task at hand is. LESSONS... like gymnastic lessons, or swim lessons etc etc.

But soccer (here) is not like that. You sign up, you pay and then a parent volunteer shows up once a week and slap dash throws a sort of practice together. No explanation on how to play, or what the terms mean. No checking of skill level or showing how to kick the ball. Nothing...

So my question is... how do the kids learn the game? How do all these other boys out there seem to know what the heck is going on? And what the heck am I paying for in the first place? Where is the instruction and the drills? Where is the LESSON!

bon jovi or bob marley

2009-10-23T23:18:00.002-05:00

I got a flu shot today. Just the regular one, since no one in Arkansas has the H1N1 vaccine yet. This was the first time EVER for me to get the flu shot. Mason gets the mist every year.

Braden has been sick twice already this school year with a flu/stomach bug type thing. That is not normal for him. Usually he gets some sort of fever around February... but nothing this early.

At the doctors office with T the other day I got him the shot. When he gets sick it seems to affect him more than the rest of us... and today at Target I sat down to get the poke.

I don't know why I did it. I just felt like I should. I never have before because it makes me nervous that we are just setting ourselves up for a super virus. I have no idea how long flu shots have been given out, why they are given out, how safe they are or what the side effects are....and in spite of all that and going against my track record... we all got poked... and I can't answer why... and I am scared to death that I made the wrong choice....

Happy Birthday TWICE

2009-10-23T22:22:00.002-05:00

research

2009-10-22T10:38:00.007-05:00

Okay - time to get serious about this playground thing. After thinking about it, researching it and reading a lot of http://www.peacefulplaygrounds.com/ and countless state regulations I have put together a short summary of what I think is the problem and what could be some solutions. I have put a call in to the Head of the ECS school and left a message. I hope I can get an audience with her soon.

Here is what I have so far...

Issues:
Limited room - Too many children out for recess at a time.Limited structure activities (four square, hopscotch...etc).
Limited resources: 100 kids for 30 minutes with only 4 swings 1 tire swing... no balls, one small basketball hoop (no basketball).
Lack of adult intervention when children behave aggressively, participate in unsafe play, bullying and other undesirable behavior.
Lack of follow-through on reports of playground aggression and bullying.
No definition of bully behavior for ECS children.
Limited communication or coordination between recess supervisors about children’s behavior at recess.
Proper use of equipment is not explained or enforced.
Vague wording in playground rules.
Lack of conflict resolution training.
Not enough space for play (multiple picnic tables on site).

Children were:
Pushing and shoving each other – pulling at classmates shirts and pulling them to the ground
Too close together – running into each other sometimes on purpose other times on accident
Multiple children trying to climb up the structure on top of each other
Climbing over each other, toppling down on each other on the slide. Sliding down head first, running back up on top of other children trying to slide down.
Using the hula hoops as pulleys to drag classmates around.

Solutions:
Create a galloping track.
Provide jump ropes, hula hoops etc.
Encourage competitive AND cooperative games such as Red Rover and freeze tag.
Provide a ball wall and balls
Provide a safe and separate climbing space
Provide a sand box
Use the whistle to interrupt inappropriate behavior.
Stagger the classes
Proper training of staff to spot unsafe play, enforce rules and recognize bullying situations.

Allow children to settle disputes.
Teach children to resolve most conflicts without adult intervention, using the "walk, talk or rock" method -- walk away from a dispute, talk it out, or settle it by playing "rock, paper, scissors."

Use of clear concise wording of rules that everyone learns the rules together... at the same time at the beginning of the year. Such as: no sitting atop or hanging upside down on the monkey bars, tag or chase is not allowed on or around the big toy and the slide is a one way slide, DOWN.

Allow the children to help make the rules. This gives children ownership and responsibility for behavior on the playground.
Make no more than five rules for the whole school for school aged children. Make no more than three rules for the whole school for preschool children.

cracker snack

2009-10-22T10:36:00.003-05:00

After about a month of going to school twice a week Tristan is in his groove. Each day he goes he is a little less sad and a bit more happy. He main motivator? His cracker snack that I provide... he talks about it the whole way in the car. And when we get there.... he starts calling his teachers name... Marcie.... Marcie.....

play time

2009-10-21T12:49:00.002-05:00

I went to visit Braden's school today. I wanted to observe his recess. For the past few weeks his teachers have told me that Braden has been getting in trouble on the playground for fighting. I wanted to see for myself what was really going on.

Today he stayed mostly on the swing. Which was different from Friday in which he ran around with a group of boys like a pack of dogs bumping into and pulling people down into dog piles.

There are about a hundred kids on the playground at a time. With 6 adult supervisors. Which apparently is a really good ratio....at least statistically. Public schools are only required to have 1 or 2 adults per 100 students.

As I watched the kids today running around at full tilt, it seemed as if it was total chaos and madness. It is a beautiful playground, but I don't think that it is large enough to handle as many kids as they unleash on it. The adults all stayed in different areas of the yard. They didn't huddle together and talk. But still this one pack of boys dominated the play space. And I can see why Braden is attracted to this group of boys. They are the ones interacting and 'playing' with everyone.

To me it seems as if they are bored. With only one tire swing 4 regular swings 2 slides and a small monkey bar area I think they have 'nothing' to do. So they play chase. And they play tackle. And things are okay for awhile. But today I noticed one little boy shoving kids for the fun of it. Just every once and a while he walks up and shoves a kid to the ground. From the side, from the back, straight on... doesn't seem to matter. And then of course the other boys follow suit.

After 5 kids had been knocked down in the span of 5 minutes (by this one kid) I went over and walked him to his teacher. I explained what I saw happening and she tilted her head to the side and said... 'Yeah... he's been known to do that." She takes him from me and begins to talk to him about the situation as I walk away.

My first question is "well, if you know he is prone to doing that sort of thing, why isn't someone watching him closer?"

I know I don't know enough about this situation to make any sort of suggestions or formal complaints. I must do a lot more reading and observing. But it certainly was an education experience to watch all those little kindergarteners running around.

doctor's visit

2009-10-21T12:48:00.006-05:00

Tristan has his 3 year old well visit today. His is 40 inches tall and is 37 pounds... which puts him in the 95 (ish) percentile.

I had been worried about this visit, because his doctor is a vocal advocate of immunizations. I was concerned that she was going to sit me down and tell me that he needed this that and the other and if I didn't comply she wouldn't see us any more.

But that didn't happen. I think she was so busy with all the other stuff we were talking about that she completely forgot to check his immunization chart. Which was fine with me :-) I really do like her and her manner with Tristan... so I was happy that there was no stand off between us today.

I arrived early. Really early. My appointment wasn't until 8:50. I showed up at 8:10. I was escorted into an exam room by 8:15 and was seeing the doctor by 8:30. This confirmed my suspicion that it doesn't matter so much when your appointment time is more than when you show up.

Tristan did get his flu shot. This was the first time EVER that either of the boys received the shot. With Braden getting sick TWICE already this school year I thought it was wise... we'll see. Tristan seems to be sicker and stay sick longer than Braden ever did.

When I asked about the H1N1 vaccine... they said they didn't have any and didn't know if they were going to get any in at all.....

Not sure how I feel about that.

you can't do that here

2009-10-21T12:48:00.005-05:00

As I got out of my car in the Toys R Us parking lot yesterday I saw a 8(ish) year old boy relieving himself next to his car (not in the grass or in a drain or anything like that). He was not hidden in any way (no trees or bushes). It was early in the day and there were no other car near mine and his. His back was to me, but he faced the west side of the parking lot. His mother/grandmother was on the other side of the car helping his little sister out of her car seat. It took her a second to realize that he was still on the other side of the car and what he was doing. When he finished and they started to walk to the store I expected that she would say something to him. But she didn't....

So I called to her... "Excuse me. Your son/grandson just peed on the cement in the parking lot. Couldn't have you taken him in the store?" She replied "I didn't know he had to go, and it is too late now."

Well I guess so! But still.... the whole thing just grossed me out to the max! TO THE MAX!

Tristan turns 3!

2009-10-18T11:01:00.003-05:00

big stuff

2009-10-17T09:01:00.003-05:00

before and after

2009-10-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

Just a little project we had been working on!

Who let the dogs out?

2009-10-14T06:53:00.004-05:00

Every morning I wake up to the sound of dogs barking. Not my dog mind you, but 'neighborhood dogs'. It is always around 5am... and they bark for what seems like an hour. Last morning there were two of them. One with a high pitched bark and one with a low deep bark. They bantered back and forth for quite some time. I can't figure out where they live. Our neighborhood is on a huge hill and there are many sounds that echo across the tree tops. I can't help but think as I lie there how many other neighbors are lying awake too. I wonder if they think it is my dog (who ignores all of this as he sleeps in his chair)? I wonder if the owners know that their dogs do this, I wonder who or what the dogs are barking about and (most importantly) I wonder how long this will go on.

Famous person alert!

2009-10-14T06:53:00.003-05:00

I went to pick up my Auntie from the airport today.... and while we were waiting we watched the all the other passengers walk by as they headed to baggage claim... one of those passengers just happened to be Mike Huckabee!

That counts... right?

if it harm none

2009-10-12T08:45:00.005-05:00

In church today some one shared this philosophy. "If it harm none, do what you will." A sort of live and let live type of thing. A follow up question that was asked was...."what is harm?" The definition varies by person and culture. That statement lead to a discussion in which the following question was posed..."You walk out of McDonald's after purchasing a two for one burger deal. You pass a homeless person who is begging on the street. What do you do? Do you give him a burger? Do you give him money? If you gave him the burger or money is that action harmful?

One lady said that she wouldn't give anything to the man. When asked why (One could argue that giving him something rather than teaching him something is harmful (you know the old adage teach a man to fish....) she said that there were agencies to handle that sort of thing and that the homeless man should go through the proper channels to receive aid.

Her answer floored me. It was almost a laughable statement... but she was dead serious. How could a person be so remove from other human beings? I should have asked her if she would have been willing to drive him down to the nearest shelter or would she have given him a dollar for the bus, or maybe she thinks he should just walk.

I was totally disgusted by her statement. We need to be more active in each other's lives. We need to take responsibility when other's won't. By turning a blind eye and saying that it is someone else's problem we allow abuse to continue, corruption to thrive and people (and animals) to suffer.

smiling faces

2009-10-12T08:45:00.003-05:00

I keep seeing people who look just like people from Abilene. It is everywhere I go. I think I see Karen or other random people from MOPS. It happens every few days, and I wonder if it is a subconscious thing? A way of me processing the move? In all my years moving around it has never happened before with such frequency and accuracy. I actually have to do a double take...

not an exaggeration

2009-10-08T21:58:00.002-05:00

I think of William everyday. Every day.... I never forget that he existed and that he is my son.

Before I had him I had heard people use the phrase "I think of ____ every day." And I thought they were speaking in generalizations... I didn't understand how someone could really think of someone every day.

But they can, and I do... every day.

this is for La Rae

2009-10-08T10:30:00.003-05:00

I love Walt Disney World. It reminds me of my childhood and my mother. I love this video, it has all the music from the ride, and it makes me feel like I am right there. This is one of my favorite rides... I love riding it with my family and for that 10 minutes life is just perfect. I am posting this for my friend La Rae who is going in a few short days to Florida.... she must ride this ride ... and here is my sales pitch.

Jumpin' Jumpin'

2009-10-08T09:18:00.003-05:00

I have made another new friend! Her name is Kerry... she lives just down the street from me. Her son and Braden are under a year a part and play almost every day. She and I are like two of a kind. She is a book reader info whore like I am which lead to some great discussions!

We went out together last Saturday. We did some shopping and went out to eat. With out meaning too, we bought the same sweater at Ann Taylor and the same jeans at the Gap ! And at dinner we ordered the same meal... she had a beer but I went the the margarita!!!

She said she appreciates being able to talk to me about the little stuff (have you noticed how fat Kevin Federline has become) and the big stuff (therapy, poverty and religion) with an open mind.... or something like that... it made me feel quite good inside.

I am excited to have her as a friend.

lobby lobby lobby lobby

2009-10-08T09:10:00.002-05:00

In an effort to get the house ready for guests next week I have been making weekly pilgrimages to Hobby Lobby. I don't go every week because I like the place... I go every week because they change what is 50% off each week. So for the past few Mondays I have been trudging in and out with my purchases of nic-nacs.

I have a hard time shopping at HL for a few reasons. One is that I am not very good at decorating and I don't really enjoy it very much. So the thought of spending hours wandering up and down aisles of signs, metalware and poly resin figurines puts me off. Plus I have a hard time concentrating while I am there because of the music. Have you ever noticed the music in Hobby Lobby? 75% of it is Christian. Over half of it I recognize as songs I sang at Highland. But because I was so hooked on the big board for words, now that I have just the music I can't remember the words and that distracts me because I spend all my time trying to remember the title of the song/hymn instead of concentrating on my decorative items. And secondarily the music makes me sad, those hymns/songs remind me of William and my grief .... which obviously I don't need reminding of.

birds and the bees

2009-10-02T20:02:00.002-05:00

Shortly after Tristan was born Braden and I had a talk about how babies are made. It was a simple explanation... you take a piece of the mommy and a piece of the daddy, the baby grows in the mommy etc etc.

Until now that answer had been sufficient. A few weeks ago he asked me why do boys have penises and girls have vaginas. Being caught totally off guard I answered with the first thought that came to my head... "we each have different parts because they fit together. that is how the piece from the daddy gets into the mommy." He accepted this, hard thinking was written all over his face but he questioned no more. I was totally blown away by this. I was not prepared at all for this line of questioning so early on... I explained that what he and I talk about with regards to all the penis vagina baby talk was between us and daddy and Tristan... not to be shared at school. He agreed.

A few days ago Braden announces that his friend had told him that mommies were put to deep sleep and then a doctor 'sliced' the mommy open and pulled the baby out. Well, alrighty then. I explained further that some babies are born like that, but most babies are born through the 'gina (as he calls it) because our bodies were made to do it like that. "Well how big does the 'gina get? This big (he holds his hands out) or this big? (hands move in a bit)

Okay - it is off to the books. I get out my pregnancy/birth book, which shows happy moms naked and booby squatting and lying and in birthing tubs and a few shots of a baby's head crowning. Braden was interested, but not grossed out. Nor did he giggle or think it was silly. He seemed quite satisfied with the pictures (maybe remembering what I looked like pregnant) and seemed quite satisfied with the answers. He turned to me and said -"now I want to see a picture of the slicing open." But by that time it was time for school (why do these conversations always come up in the morning?) and he hasn't asked me since.

Seeking advice from other moms I brought this whole thing up with some soccer moms during practice. The conversation didn't last long AT ALL. When I got to the part about Braden asking me why boys and girls had different parts one mom shot me down. She said "I would have said because that is the way God made us... end of story... "

Really? That is the answer you would give your kid? You have got to be kidding me....I was so upset. One, because I felt like what I had told my kid was 'dirty or wrong' and two because I can't believe someone would think that such a blow off answer would be acceptable. No wonder we have such a high rate of teen pregnancy in this country. Do people really believe if you don't talk about it then our kids won't care any more? Nah... they'll just get it off the playground.

Maybe I upset her too. Maybe she thought my answer was unacceptable.... I don't know. Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut.... should take my own advice to Braden and realize that no one else really wants to talk about that sort of thing with others outside their family. But then again maybe I should talk about it, be transparent let others see how I handle this sort of thing and maybe they will like what my opinion is.

Oh, who am I kidding... I will try to keep my mouth shut, but it will open back up eventually anyway ! ;-)

simply the best!

2009-10-02T19:34:00.003-05:00

Braden score his first goal during practice on Friday. I was SO happy for him! He seemed very happy and proud too... He said "do you see me score the goal ? It is because I am the best Mama!"

use your words

2009-10-02T08:49:00.002-05:00

Braden and Mason have been known to clash from time to time. I am not sure why. Maybe because they are so alike. Maybe because Braden spends SO much time with me... either way this past week it was getting pretty bad.

I told Braden that he needed to find a way to work it out with his father. That I could not be the middleman/referee, he was the one who was in charge of his relationship.

So after breakfast and before school Braden went up to Mason and said "can I speak to you privately dad?" and they went into the family room.

Like a good mother and wife I stood motionless in the kitchen so I could hear every word of the 'private convo'.

"why are we always fighting?" Braden asks "we need to not fight" he goes on to say "if you are mad at something, but it is not me, don't act mad to me. like if your boss is mad with you and you get mad at your boss don't be mad at me. okay dad?" There was more to the conversation which although I heard every word I can no longer remember verbatim.

Mason said that Braden reached out and touched his arm while he was talking to him. I think his teacher is really having a positive impact on him. Both Mason and I were VERY proud of Braden and his words that morning. I was blown away by his ability to see the situation for what it was...and be emotionally tuned in to not only himself but his father too.

boy meets world

2009-09-30T08:32:00.003-05:00

Little Rock is just made for 6 year old boys. The park down the street from our house is a landscape of exploration. We have found butterflies, HUGE grass hoppers, frogs of all size, fish (in the stream) lady bugs, real bees, squirrels, snails in their shell and on Sunday we found a bat.

Braden spends hours down there with his new neighborhood friend Andrew. They stomp through the water, over turn rocks and climb trees.... add in the playground equipment you have a perfect habitat for a Bert!

walgreens

2009-09-24T22:16:00.002-05:00

Driving to Walgreens last night to pick up Braden's prescription got me jones-ing for ice cream. It was always Walgreens I went to in Abilene late at night to pick up a pint. I could feel the nagging coming on as I drove down the hill towards the store. In my mind I was already justifying how I could get away with it. Telling myself that if I ate it in the store before the perception was ready than it didn't really 'count'.

The Walgreens here is the exact replica of the one on Buffalo Gap in Abilene. It feels like I am back in Texas when I walk through those doors. Straight back to the photo counter, make a left, walking by the freezers down to the pharmacy.... repeating over and over in my head.... don't do it, be strong... keep walking....

The temptation was strong... but in the end I was stronger... I walked out 'script in hand no ice cream on the thighs!

Fire Safety Week

2009-09-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

Artist: Braden Age 6
Title of Peice: Oh! Watch out for Fire!

a night out with the girls

2009-09-24T15:34:00.003-05:00

I had my second girls night out on Tuesday. This time it was with a friend that I met at the hospital (Michelle) and her friend Sabre.

I was a bit nervous. Being the 3rd wheel in an already established group of ladies can be uncomfortable. I thought, what if we have nothing in common? They have older kids, they are back at work in their careers.... will I fit in?

I needn't have worried. I had a great time laughing with these ladies. It was nice to be able to talked to other moms about what the road ahead was going to look like. It was even more nice when they asked when my birthday was..."February" I replied..."Oh good. that will be a perfect time to get together after the holidays for a movie or something."

I was in!

i phone...

2009-09-23T11:03:00.002-05:00

I would love an iphone .... heck I would even settle for a laptop.... to be rid of my bulking computer hutch and all its cords would be nice... but no can do. I also need a fax machine. I fax a lot. Well, it feels like a lot since I don't know why we even use faxes any more. But if you are buying or selling a house, renting a house, dealing with any type of doctors office OR school ... you need a fax. I refuse to pay 7 bucks just to fax something... the cost is ridiculous.... I fax more stuff for health insurance people and doctor's offices.

Ah, but to have a sleek iphone with a niffty apple lap top... then I would really be somethin'

Anyone know of a fax app? Then I might move on into the 21st century...

a grown up boy!

2009-09-22T17:29:00.004-05:00

Not only did we have the first day of school today... but our first haircut in the chair all by ourselves! This barber was amazing! Tristan sat for almost 20 minutes in the chair while Mr. Tony clipped, cut, and even sprayed some water on his hair. What a big boy!

Tristan's First Day of School!

2009-09-22T12:27:00.001-05:00

I can't believe I am writing this already. Besides the fact that he still feels little to me even though he is almost a full year older than Braden when he started Mothers Day Out, I am in shock that I found a great little MDO/Preschool just down the street from us that still had a vacancy!

Tristan did great! I snuck out when we got to the room. His teachers were lovely and said that he only asked where I was and if it was time to go a few times. No tears! He was happy when I pick him too. He is going T TH 8:30- 11:30.

Now, trying to get a picture of him is a whole other story... he just doesn't stand still for the camera.... oh well.

did i forget?

2009-09-21T21:10:00.002-05:00

I think I forgot to mention....

1. the house has been re-rented... We are OFF the hook!!!

2. I have officially lost weight. While at my parents house over Labor Day weekend I weighed myself on my parents scale... 135lbs..... down from 150/145 which is where I was hanging around when I got rid of my scale last year!!!!

ROCK ON!!!

I love Sundays

2009-09-20T20:58:00.003-05:00

Sundays are by far my favorite day here in Little Rock. I am really happy with the church here that we are going to. Our parents group is doing a "Build your own Theology" workshop... one hour a week is way to short to really get 'into' it as a class, but the workbook is a great jumping off point. Did I mention I shared my So Many Santa book a few weeks ago? I have already sold 3! It was wonderful validation to know that other parents found value in my words.

After church is my yoga class. I use to practice yoga many many lifetimes ago in Alamogordo... To refresh I am in the beginners class, which my body thanks me for... this stuff is no joke.

The first day there I was sitting on my mat listening to my instructor and I became very emotional. I almost started to cry. I was so at home there. I guess that is how I feel at church too. No longer am I the different one. I am right there in the middle with everyone else.

Sunday is Julia day.... not mom day or school day or bill paying day... but a day dedicated to me... working on being the best me that I can! I haven't had that in a long long time and it feels oh so good!

it's getting better all the time

2009-09-19T19:45:00.002-05:00

Soccer was much better this week. Infinitely better for 2 reasons.

1. I LOVE the assistant coach. This weeks practice was great. Good instruction, great explanations of the rules and plays and great interaction with the kids.

2. Once I bribed Braden with Hersey miniature candy bars he actually got up the courage to touch the ball 3 times during the game!

We are on a roll!

power struggle

2009-09-18T08:49:00.001-05:00

For two hours each week I sit in the waiting room at the children's hospital while Tristan gets his OT and PT. And for two whole hours I see a lot of people come and go. Most people don't wait in the waiting room very long. Well, at least not the children they get trotted off to the back to go 'play'.

The room is pretty small, almost a third of the size of the WTR waiting area. There is a small play table and some really old books and magazines laying about... and there is a TV. Mounted up in the corner of the room. It is either on PBS or NICK jr ALL THE TIME.... I prefer the former.... less noise some how. But what I really prefer is for the TV to be off.

After a few weeks of this I started turning the TV off when I was the only person in the room. Most days I would be in there for 20 or more minutes alone... that is a whole lot of Dora to listen to if you really don't have too. And if a new person entered I would ask them if they wanted it on. I felt like this was reasonable.

One of the ladies at the check-in desk did not. Without saying a word to me every once in awhile she would come in and turn it back on... even when it was just me sitting there.

I started to pay attention to see if the kids were really watching it. 9 times out of 10 they didn't. They played on the play table or with their own toys, without so much as a glance up to the screen. Some even brought books over to their parents.

So I turned it off again. If a kid wants to read a book... TURN OFF THE TV!

In comes Nurse Ratchet. On it goes. Still not even a glance at me. Finally (last Friday) by the end of my 2 hours she comes back out of the office with a small typed up note that read " Do not touch the TV please."

All righty then.... whatever.... we'll see how it goes this Friday....

author update: when I walked into the waiting room this past Friday the note was gone! So somewhere out there I have an ally...... the plot thickens!

my weekend project

2009-09-16T01:14:00.000-05:00

Holy wallpaper Batman.... and what 3 lovely patterns they are.... why would anyone want to tear them down.....?