living my life like it's golden

keep on keeping on

2009-12-19T22:56:00.000-06:00

some days this is the best it gets.....

checking out the chassis

2009-12-18T22:50:00.000-06:00

FUN night

2009-12-17T21:35:00.001-06:00

Kerry and I didn't make it into the shot....just the hubbies and the kiddos... (and Calhoun)....

A WONDERFUL night of friends and fellowship and laughter and conversation ..... how lucky are we!

Each person took a turn lighting the candles. Everybody lit one for a different reason: Friends, love, commitment...

We ended the night with a raucous round of spin the dreidel... which works much better with lots of people and chocolate....

alrighty then

2009-12-16T22:07:00.000-06:00

glasses - check
fire hat - check
sword - check

Okay - He's ready.... for what... I don't know... but Tristan is ON it!

Big Boy

2009-12-15T23:32:00.001-06:00

Every one marks the transition from baby to big boy differently. In the Stewart house it is when you can eat a "real" (crunchy) taco all by yourself!

SO proud!

2009-12-14T21:17:00.001-06:00

Over Thanksgiving break while we were in St. Louis Braden learned to play chess with my dad. This past weekend he asked Mason to play with him. Yesterday he beat Mason for the first time! He was VERY pleased with himself!

saturday morning

2009-12-13T18:42:00.000-06:00

everyone loves iphone......

Happy Hanukkah!

2009-12-12T20:52:00.000-06:00

loves his llama

2009-12-11T14:15:00.001-06:00

Every night before I go to bed I check on the boys. To make sure the temperature is right, that an arm or leg isn't caught in a bed rail to just watch them sleep. Last night (in the dark) I saw something I hadn't seen in a very long time. Braden was cuddling with his Llama in pajamas. Ever since he had a big boy bed he had his Llama with him, but rarely did I ever see him "hold on " to him. I snuck back in with my camera.... I couldn't resist. Who knows when I will see this again...

lego advent

2009-12-10T22:07:00.002-06:00

not such a bad tradition after all!

even colder still

2009-12-09T22:39:00.001-06:00

although you can't see it, there is an air vent under that bod.... apparently he wanted to make sure he was going to stay warm!

too cool for school

2009-12-08T20:05:00.000-06:00

just an everyday morning, hanging out, making his calls....

Happy Birthday

2009-12-07T21:56:00.001-06:00

Today Calhoun turns 10! I can hardly believe it. I can still remember his first birthday in Del Rio. I threw a doggie birthday party for him and his friends. Today we celebrated quietly... but I did get him his favorite toy - a hedgehog from Petsmart. He'll chew on it until he splits it open... every year it takes him just a bit longer than before.

hard working bear

2009-12-06T17:40:00.001-06:00

The kitchen upgrading has begun!

in my element

2009-12-05T19:50:00.000-06:00

I spent most of the day cleaning and organizing a storage closet at church..... it was heaven!

men in uniform

2009-12-04T09:05:00.000-06:00

I love it when Mason can take Braden to school in the morning. I love them in their respective uniforms.... I do NOT love the kitchen however... check out that paint color and the flooring!!!

cold cold cold

2009-12-03T22:36:00.002-06:00

We went to the local Christmas Tree Farm today. They had a small petting zoo, pig races and hot chocolate... and oh yeah, they had trees too!

camera boy

2009-12-02T13:20:00.001-06:00

Mom has her camera out a lot these days... Tristan thought he should too!

annual photo shoot

2009-12-01T18:08:00.000-06:00

It just never goes the way its planned in my head.... :-)

fall fun

2009-11-30T09:16:00.001-06:00

my child came home today

2009-11-16T16:29:00.001-06:00

with his face painted. He had been down at the Children's Museum for a "thanksgiving" field trip. I have no idea what went on down there, or who was leading the 'educational' activity but I was pretty sure that Braden didn't really learn anything very accurate about Native Americans by slapping 'war' paint on.

I sent out a question on facebook to see if painting ones face like this was akin to blackface. The answer I received was that if it is done with good intentions then it was NOT like blackface.... I am not too convinced.

grandparents day

2009-11-13T18:02:00.002-06:00

Every once in a while grief jumps out at you and catches you by surprise. My Aunt Karen and I were at Braden's school for the annual Grandparents Day. We were sitting in the auditorium watching the elementary and Preschool classes sing about Arkansas. After the hour long program the president of the school got on the mic and thanked us all for our support and for coming out to watch the kids. Then he turned and introduced the music teacher that had organized the whole performance. The woman was seated with her back to us, at a giant electric keyboard. She got up and did a half turn and waved at us, then sat back down.

In that moment tears began to well up and I started to cry. In that moment I saw my mother. Who for years I watched sit behind a piano and direct students on stage. And in that split second of those memories flashing in my head my heart poured out anguish that she was gone. She doesn't know Braden or Tristan or Mason.... She has missed it all, and I have missed sharing it with her. I silently cried with my Aunt's arm around me. Her love just made me feel that much worse. I felt guilty that she had to bear this burden. It wasn't her job to take me on... but she did, and she has loved me like a mother, and treated me like a daughter for 20 years. Most of the time her presence and love is a comfort, but in that moment it was just a reminder of how much I had lost.

sad but true

2009-11-10T21:56:00.006-06:00

Once a week Tristan goes to the Children's Hospital here for PT and OT. And for an hour and a half I hang around the hospital. Sometimes I talk to other mothers, or watch TV or read. A few times I have wandered around the gift shop.

Last Friday I was in the gift shop looking for a few little gifts for my friend La Rae's kiddos. They had stopped by to us on their way home from Florida. These kids had been in the car for DAYS. I knew that this last leg of the trip was getting pretty rough and I thought a new toy would help the time pass more quickly.

So I went to the gift shop to check out what they had.

And man, did they have some really neat stuff. And then (as I wandered around the store) it dawned on me why this particular store had so many great choices of car trip toys.... A toy/book/game that could be played in your lap sitting down......and I was intensely sad and grateful all at the same time.

whip it

2009-11-10T21:56:00.004-06:00

It took awhile... but after 20 odd years or so, I finally feel confident. I feel like I can bet on myself and know that I will come out on top. I see my own potential. I really really understand what people mean by dreaming big, and seeing something through.

can't eat nothin'

2009-11-10T21:55:00.004-06:00

I am starting to freak out over food. Every night as dinner time approaches I start to get a bit panicky about what everyone is going to have for dinner. It seems like nothing is good for you anymore, and all the stuff that is good tastes (at least to me) horrible.

It is really the boys that I worry about. I freak out about them eating too much meat, or eating too many starches or eating way too much cheese. I feel like sometimes all Tristan eats is different variations on starch and cheese. I have taken to making spinach pizzas so that he can get a veggie in at lunch time. All the things I like to eat, wraps, salads and such (which you can pack with veggies and hummus) the boys don't like eating.

Plus all the stuff that is fun to eat, which I use to reward myself with is taking its toll on me. I can't eat any sugar, or alcohol or fried stuff... they all do a number on me. I can't even eat diabetic stuff either, the fake sugar messes with me more than the real stuff.

It gets me down. I get depressed thinking about it. It reminds me of my mortality.

The most ridiculous part of it all is that I panic so much about eating at home that I don't buy any groceries so we are forced to go out to eat... and I end up eating the same crap I was worried about us eating in the first place.