tradition or ritual

Which ever you call it, every Saturday around here we do the same thing... watch Daddy mow the lawn. When he mows in the back we all come out and watch, but when he mows the front we have to get creative which means watching him from the windows.

Last Saturday I received a call from Mason while I was in New Mexico (where no one mows their yard). "The lawn mower exploded" he said sounding exasperated. "What do you mean it exploded" I asked, a little annoyed. He explained to me what happened, and half way through his talking I realized I knew nothing about lawn mower engine parts and that I couldn't understand anything he was saying and that I would just have to take his word for it. "I can't talk about this right now" I said knowing that the conversation to follow was going to require patience.

The next day Mason and I set about trying to agree on what kind of lawn mower to buy next. "I'm just going to go to Lowe's and get a mower" he declared "what about Sears... don't they make Craftsman anymore" I countered (I mean it did give us 8 good years, can't be all that bad of a brand) "No good, the new engines are not made by....." my mind wandered again .... the subject of engines makes it wander. "Alright, whatever - just make sure it is electric"

And so it began, the great 'oh jeeze not this again' discussion that requires LOTS of patience on all sides...

I didn't want to buy the same old type of mower AGAIN. For many reasons... it didn't seem to make a lot of sense to be stuck in the past as we marched onward to the future. Large, smelly, dirty, LOUD, gas guzzling machines were not something I wanted to put our money into. Mason didn't want to buy a lawn mower that 'didn't cut worth shit' (if I remember his phrasing correctly).

So we were at an impasse.... until Mason did a bit more digging. He finally found a Honda that seemed to have the best of both worlds. Yes it is gas powered but it has the LOWEST emissions of any mower out there. It is much much much quieter than any mower I have ever heard and it is ultra light weight and it has a very very very very very very very very easy pull cord. I mean really really really really really really easy... one pull type of thing... should have had it 4 years ago when I was pregnant and Mason was deployed.

Mason remarked "I feel like I have been trying to cut our grass with a rock and a loin cloth all these years" after doing a test run...

It was a lot of money... but so was our Dyson vacuum we purchased 5 years ago.... in another 5 years this mower might seem like a bargain!

love me some leo!

4-6 weeks ago I received a letter in the mail from Leonardo DiCaprio. His name was right there in the upper left corner... no return address though (damm!).
He belongs to the NRDC and the letter was asking me to become a member. I mean, Leo was asking ME to become a member!

Hell YA! Sign me up! I wrote a check for $40 to help save the polar bears, because after Leo (and of course Brad) nothing is as cute as a polar bear!

So today my "free" tote bag came in the mail- yes from Leo with a note on his own stationary. An all natural cotton/hemp bag with Save the Polar Bear logo on it.

I just know that someday somewhere Leo will have the list of members of NRDC in his hand and will be inadvertently touching my name... YUM!

Hey, a girl can dream!!!

the classics

One of the best things I liked about being at Liz and Jamey's was that I was a perceived expert on all things baby... I say perceived because I felt like an expert in my own head... I am not sure Liz and Jamey would agree :-)

I knew all about bouncy seats, and midnight feedings, walks in strollers and tummy time. It was so much fun to go to Target and see all the itty bitty baby toys for infants. Playing Auntie Julie I bought a whole bunch for the boys.

One of the things I didn't buy were any Baby Einstein DVDs. One of Liz's sisters had purchased ALL of them in some sort of collection book of DVDs. It had every single Baby Einstein that had ever been made. Like 30 or so movies. I thought we owned a lot at 15 DVDs.

So every morning after breakfast and before nap the boys and I sat down to a 'show'. First up was B.E. Language Nursery. While I was watching something felt 'off'. Some scenes didn't look right to me. I dismissed it and chalked it up to the fact that it had been about 4 years since I had scene it. (my old copy was on VHS and I never replaced it to DVD).

The next day was B.E. Baby Mozart... a classic! I had watched this just recently with Tristan. I currently have an old school DVD that I bought on Ebay a long time ago. So the music starts and I am waiting for the little brown bear with drum to come on the screen.....

He does... BUT it is not the same bear! Different bear...as I watch I notice little things... changes in the toys.... I wasn't going crazy... they changed them!

The reason I only own 15 DVDs is because I refuse to watch the newer ones that were all Disney done. I just don't think they are as good. Neither does Nora. And now Disney has ruined the originals for the next generation.

After our big trip to Target I was opening all the toys and removing the tags. I bought some B.E. soft blocks that I had when Braden was born. When I pulled them out of the box I noticed that they were smaller, not as well made and the textures were different. And even though the green block still had the frog pull leg... the yellow one no longer had the duck quacking.

In 4 years they reduced a really cute toy into a big piece of crap.

Today I boxed up our old B.E. soft blocks and sent them to New Mexico. And I have stripped myself from the title of expert... apparently the world is changing too fast... I am old and out of touch!

white noise

Liz and Jamey had a great guestroom set up at their house. They really went out of their way to make sure the friends and family that were coming to help would have a nice place to stay. Part of the deal was that they provided a white noise machine. It was so we (the helper guests) could sleep through the night and be fresh in the morning. That way we could be the relief for the parents who were up all night.

So I checked it out. It was this little round box with about 6 -8 choices of 'noise'. It looked harmless enough. There was ocean, rain, heartbeat, white noise, birds and woods.

I tried all of them. Flipping through the sounds like they were radio stations. They were all good and very clear and realistic.

Then it happened.... I flipped to the last noise.... Woods.... seemed innocent enough ...... but as my ears adjusted my greatest fear was realized..... the primary sound effect of the woods setting was CRICKETS! I quickly change the box back to the rain selection before I break out in a cold sweat.

Why would anyone invent such a device of torture I thought to myself. And then I realized that the woods selection exists because there is a market for it. That scared me even more!

The Two Ss

I got back LATE last night from New Mexico and spending a great LONG weekend with my friend Liz, her hubby Jamey and her beautiful twin boys Jackson and Winston. Although I had seen Liz a couple of times over the past 8 years it was always for some big event with a bunch of other friends to see and hang out with. We didn't really get a chance to 'visit' until now.

It was a great visit. We had a lot of fun going out (to a kick ass party, the farmers market, the movies, dinner and target) staying in (sitting on the porch drinking beer and cooking out, walking the babies in their double stroller, listening to endless lute and harpsichord playing on NPR) and just catching up with each other.

All my nervous fears were unfounded. We fell right back into that easy always friends feeling. We figured out that we have been friends for 18 years! That is a long time. We are all grown up with kids and careers (well, she has one). So much is different and yet so much remains the same. She laughs the exact same way she always has, the way she pushes her hair behind her ear is the same as when she was 17... and the way she rubs her nose.... hasn't changed a bit.

Her boys were amazing! Such happy babies! Good sleepers for just 5 months old. It was so sweet to be able to hold them as they fell asleep in my arms... and their heads! AH! I love babies heads.... Liz asked me if I missed Tristan and Braden being 5 months old.... and on the first day of my visit I would have said yes... but after 4 days of remembering what it was like (the good and the bad...) I am happy to say that I like my boys the ages they are now! :-)

outta here

One of my oldest friends (chronological -not agewise) just had twins (4 months ago) and I am off to spend some time with her, the hubby and meet the boys this weekend.

Liz and I have known each other since we were freshman in high school. But in the most recent years we haven't been able to keep in touch like we use to.

I hope this trip rekindles our friendship... now on a different level. No longer are we teenagers cruising around in her car, or staying up 'til dawn at an after hours party.

Will she be able to see me as a mature grown-up or will I still be my neurotic high stress self?

I pray that I am able to help and support her with the boys in the days that I am there. To be a calming presence, not a burden... to be able to laugh and talk about the "good old days" as well as the future.

I just hope its not weird between us... I hope that too much time hasn't passed and that we can get to know each other again...

I hope I can still make her laugh...

total side note

Mason and I finally got around to watching the Simpson's movie.

For awhile (back in Little Rock - without cable) we were HUGE Simpsons fans. We watched it every night... quoted lines back and forth and reveled in its wit.... but we were picky... we only really like seasons 2-6 ( give or take a season). Apparently some writers only hung around that long it dramatically changed the tone of the show.

We stopped watching.

When the movie came out last year and I heard about how they were being faithful to the 'classic' simpsons idea I had hope that it would be a great movie... I mean any show that could pull off a great two part-er with "Who shot Mr. Burns" would have the ability to (after 20 years) write and produce a very funny and entertaining movie.

Unfortunately that was NOT the case. The movie was horrible. The whole thing centered way too much around Homer, we hardly EVER saw the extended cast. There were no plot layers or twists... nothing that seemed to 'wink' at the show (with in jokes) .... Where was Maggie's evil baby friend, what about Smithers and his Barbie collection and Marge's sisters... how can you have a Simpson's movie without Side Show Bob?

I use to think no movie could let me down more that Ocean's 12 did... this stinker proved me wrong...Oh the horror! It just pushed "You've Got Mail" up a few spots... AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING!!!

digging in the dirt

Today has been a long day. Mostly because I have been fighting with my computer now for almost 12 hours. I will not bore/scare you with the ALL details but while sitting here today I made a (what I thought) was a hilarious discovery.

I was cleaning out my email folders. I have TONS of saved emails going back to 2000. Yeah, that's right....

Today I stumbled upon some emails I made and received a few months after we moved here. I was a part of the Mothering Dot Com chat boards and had sent a message out to any other 'like minded mothers' out there in Abilene. I received a few back and started to organize a play group with my natural mommies. But then William was born, and I became anti social....

So today I am re-reading them, deciding if I should delete them when all of a sudden I recognize a VERY FAMILIAR email address... My good friend Leah!!! She was one of the moms who had contacted me, but we had never gotten together.... 2 years go by ... we 're-meet' and now we are the best of friends....

I called her to ask her if she remembered any of this... she did... a bit... but not that it was me... we had a good laugh...

I am amazed how the universe unfolds and wonder if we had met, would we have hit it off at all?

last day....

Today was the last day of MOPS for the year. It doesn't really feel like the last day because we already have a steering team meeting scheduled for Thursday. I am not officially on the steering team next year but I am helping with the transition through the summer.



I went go pick up Braden from his class... He was one of the last ones to be picked up and so the room and hallway were quiet. In a flash I realized that this was HIS last MOPS meeting. That every Monday for (almost) 4 years we had been coming to Highland for MOPS.



He was about 15 months old when I first dropped him off in the 'green' nursery.... the same room Tristan is in now... I remembered being worried about how he would do in a room with a bunch of other kiddos and strangers.... I remember his teacher Lisa loving on him and being extra patient and kind with him and Steve!


Then he was new to the whole nursery scene....today he walked around the church like he owned the place. He has never known anything else....


So just for fun I am putting up two pictures to share... none of them at an actual MOPS meeting... but still fun none the less....

September of 2004 and May of 2008

truth or dare

On a whim the other night I DVRd the Madonna documentary Truth or Dare. I saw it a long time ago as a young teenager. The other night I turned it on and was hit by a wave of emotion. I was caught off guard. All the songs that she sings from her Blonde Ambition tour are in the movie. All of a sudden these songs that I had not heard in YEARS filled my head. For a brief moment I was transported back in time.

I am not talking about the real well known songs... Like a Prayer, Vouge, Holiday etc etc... but the more emotional and obscure...Oh Father, Live to Tell.... and the one that socked me in the gut.... Promise to Try...
It was then that I remembered why I fell in love with Madonna those years ago. I felt such a kinship to her, because she was the only person I 'knew' who had lost her mother (just like mine, to cancer). Her lyrics spoke right to my heart and validated my feelings of grief and confusion. I didn't feel so alone once I knew that someone out there felt the way I did.

I wrote that this January I didn't get to emotional on the anniversary of my mother's passing... I more than made up for it yesterday.


Little girl don't you forget her face
Laughing away your tears
When she was the one who felt all the pain

Little girl never forget her eyes
Keep them alive inside
I promise to try -- it's not the same

Keep your head held high -- ride like the wind
Never look behind, life isn't fair
That's what you said, so I try not to care

Little girl don't run away so fast
I think you forgot to kiss -- kiss her goodbye

Will she see me cry when I stumble and fall
Does she hear my voice in the night when I call
Wipe away all your tears, it's gonna be all right

I fought to be so strong, I guess you knew
I was afraid you'd go away, too

Little girl you've got to forget the past
And learn to forgive me
I promise to try -- but it feels like a lie

Don't let memory play games with your mind
She's a faded smile frozen in time
I'm still hanging on -- but I'm doing it wrong
Can't kiss her goodbye -- but I promise to try

really?

As much as I am into the gas hike... this whole nonsense it just annoying! Now all my pretty 41cent flower stamps will be marred by some ugly 1cent stamp upgrade..... it gets my OCD all up in knots!

New USPS prices to take effect May 12, 2008.
The upcoming US Postal Service price change includes a one-cent increase in the cost of single-piece First-Class Mail® letters.
Additional changes have been announced for shipping products designed to make these services more competitive with other carriers. Planned changes include pricing by zone and weight for Express Mail®, plus pricing incentives such as volume discounts on both Express Mail® and Priority Mail®.

getting kicked...

Okay - so at the same time I am excited about everyone else kicked in the ass, I am having to face the reality of getting my own ass kicked.

I vacillate between wanting to re-decorate the whole house, buying a new car, getting a completely new wardrobe OR making Tyler proud.

I started growing my own little herb garden in my kitchen the other day. I felt very green and sustainable... until my friend told me about raising her own chickens... which pretty much popped my balloon.

I get very excited about being green being sustainable and recycling composting blah blah blah but I admit I fall very short of the mark.... very short.

So I am grateful for a real opportunity to get my rear in gear.... with the gas prices so high it gives me just enough push to set up some realistic goals for the summer. They may seem small but they are doable (I hope).

1. no more bottled water...even if I am dying of thirst at the grocery store...only water fountains and our SIGG bottles

2. shop at Walmart for as much as I can (grocery-wise). This is a particularly hard one for me. I hate Walmart...for many reasons.... but with food costs rising I can't indulge in the local fancy grocery store.

3. only eat out once every 3-4 weeks. The Walmart rule can be broken if I have to go to the fancy store to buy meat (i refuse to eat Walmart meat - no matter what) and while I am there I can pick up a few things that will make eating at home better. Sprouts, fancy cheeses... junk like that. Make what ever you can at home instead of eating out... even if it is junk food... ice cream burgers pizza etc.

4. limit errands in the car. in the old days the whole family would pack up in the car on a Saturday to run errands and eat lunch out, even if we didn't have anything we really needed to get done. Spending money to eliminate boredom. So now I limit how often I leave the house. During the week I leave once a day(T W TH) to get Braden from school. Monday is MOPS and Sunday is church. I don't leave the house for anything else. If grocery shopping needs to get done I do it on Sunday on the way home from church, the post office gets done on the way home from school - you get the idea. Mason has stopped coming home for lunch during the week. Our goal is to make a tank of gas last 2 weeks.

70.51

That is how much it cost for me to fill up the mini-van the other day.

Secretly I am happy about the price of gas going up. I hope that it hits $5.00 a gallon this summer. Nothing makes America move quicker than having their wallet pulled on. Now if we could just get the draft going I think we would be in great shape!

Before you get all bent out of shape for my seemingly blasphemous words let me just say this. I think America is being crippled by ambivalence. Not enough people care about the war, because not a lot of people are truly effected by it. People don't really care about our foreign dependence on oil or the environment because people weren't really being effected by it.

But now they are.... and people have to be kicked out of their comfort zone to do anything.... so the faster we get to kicking people out of their ambivalent coma .... the better.

the pressure

This past week has been busy and stressful. I just haven't been in the mood to blog.... but then I feel like I should, and that puts pressure on me, then I just resent the blog for being one more thing that I have to do..... so then I get grumpy.

I do have a bunch of things I want to write about, and I am making a list... but the mood has not struck me to sit down and hit the keys.

My mother in law was here this week.... pretty good visit.

We had our parent teacher conference with Mrs Cook - suffice to say the Kindergarten Readiness Test just reaffirmed our decision to wait a year.

Mason and I have started couples counseling (again.... we went for awhile before we had Braden)

Tristan has started speech therapy twice a month.

It was a good mother's day. Finished a fundraiser I was doing at Highland.... went to the car wash with Braden (his favorite) then hit up the BRAND NEW Taco Bell for lunch (both our favorite) Received flowers and some wonderful cards from the boys, Mason, family and sweet friends.

Our move is on hold until review in the late fall.

That is about it for now

drives him nuts

I have a habit of bugging Mason about stuff. I am always checking and re-checking (because my little Dori mind can't hold a thought) to see if Mason has, or has not completed whatever it was I wanted him to do.

9 times out of 10 his response is "I'm about to..."

To which I reply (much to his annoyance and frustration) "Warm it up Kriss..." hand gestures and gansta face and all!!!

I joke and tell him that the only reason he doesn't think my joke is funny is because he hasn't seen the video or heard the song.

He reassures me that no, that is not the case.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcmlIWihR6c

(for some reason they wouldn't let me post the whole video here.... don't let that stop you though... )

ah, the early 90s..... LOVE IT!!!

and just like that.....

Last week out of the blue Braden asked me to take his training wheels off his bicycle I told him that we would when daddy got home from his trip.

Yesterday late afternoon Mason got out the tools and took the training wheels off of the bike. We cleared the driveway of cars.

Braden hopped up on the bike and Mason steadied it with his hand. Braden took off, Mason running behind.

And just like that.... Braden rode his bike with two wheels all by himself. Just one push off and he was biking around like he was a pro. It happened so fast that I didn't even get a chance to get the video camera or anything.

After dinner Braden did a few more practice laps and then said "I'm all done... I want to wait and show Meg on Friends Friday."

Just like that....

decisions decisions

Darling you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go?
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here til the end of timeSo you got to let know
Should I stay or should I go?

Always tease tease tease
Youre happy when I'm on my knees
One day is fine, next is black
So if you want me off your back
Well come on and let me know
Should I stay or should I go?

This indecisions bugging me
If you don’t want me, set me free
Exactly whom I’m supposed to be
Don’t you know which clothes even fit me?
Come on and let me know
Should I cool it or should I blow?

Lazy Lazy Lazy

Mason was TDY all last week and after getting back from NOLA I thought I would use his absence to get back in the blogging mode... as you can see, that didn't happen.

I need to start writing down my post ideas again... I always think of some good stuff and then by the time I get to my computer I totally forget what I wanted to write about.

Oh well.... as Scarlet says " Tomorrow is another day!"