4.30.2007
Michael and Dwight: SexyBack
I saw this a long time ago and asked Jen if she had seen it... guess what her answer was?
Here ya go babe - ENJOY!!!
Songs that you never knew were covers
http://www.blender.com/guide/articles.aspx?id=2615
"Istanbul (Not Constantinople)" (They Might Be Giants; The Four Lads): This song's lyrics are so profoundly silly ("Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople/So if you've a date in Constantinople she'll be waiting in Istanbul") that it's hard to believe they were inked by anybody other than the Giants' two Johns. And yet, they were. Feel like rockin' out Four Lads–style? Click here.
4.29.2007
Natasha
I like to debate...
My father calls it arguing (I disagree) ... he has tried (ever since I can remember) to get me to stop... unless the questions were about something he liked and wanted to talk about.
He would say "there is just no winning with you" or "you just want to be right". So I quit asking questions. It was my way of learning... I wish sometimes that my father had encouraged my interest and helped me learn how to focus it in a positive way.
I like understanding why people make the choices they do. I want to truly understand. So I ask questions.. too many questions. I disagree and push (I like to think of it as challenging) against ideas. I like to share my opinions AND be challenged about them.I have ticked off quite a few people who were not ready for a 'confrontation' as such.
It never occurred to me that some people enjoy quiet easy conversation free of controversy and emotion or that it is not considered good form to tell someone else why you think they are wrong:-)
Over time and with lots of love from my friends I have been trying to learn when and where and with whom I can have this type of discourse. I think each turn of the globe I get a bit better and a bit more sensitive to people and social situations.
My oldest friend is a lot like me. So much so, that when we were younger we fought endlessly. But now as adults and moms we are closer than we have ever been. The other night Tasha and I were talking about racial sensitivity training in our public schools. We had a differing opinion on expectations from teachers and administrators. It got pretty heated... so much so that the next day I got worried that I may have gone to far...
I should have known better.... Tasha sent me an email which summed me/the situation perfectly....
No hard feelings here. I need to be reminded of what the more mainstream point of view is, it helps keep things in perspective. And one of the reasons we are probably still friends is that we both have our own opinions--and can hold them. My mom said she didn't feel there is "room" to challenge me. I said, "I can't give you permission to have your own opinion."
Either you got it or you don't--and you girl have got it.
Tash - I love you too! You made my day!
My father calls it arguing (I disagree) ... he has tried (ever since I can remember) to get me to stop... unless the questions were about something he liked and wanted to talk about.
He would say "there is just no winning with you" or "you just want to be right". So I quit asking questions. It was my way of learning... I wish sometimes that my father had encouraged my interest and helped me learn how to focus it in a positive way.
I like understanding why people make the choices they do. I want to truly understand. So I ask questions.. too many questions. I disagree and push (I like to think of it as challenging) against ideas. I like to share my opinions AND be challenged about them.I have ticked off quite a few people who were not ready for a 'confrontation' as such.
It never occurred to me that some people enjoy quiet easy conversation free of controversy and emotion or that it is not considered good form to tell someone else why you think they are wrong:-)
Over time and with lots of love from my friends I have been trying to learn when and where and with whom I can have this type of discourse. I think each turn of the globe I get a bit better and a bit more sensitive to people and social situations.
My oldest friend is a lot like me. So much so, that when we were younger we fought endlessly. But now as adults and moms we are closer than we have ever been. The other night Tasha and I were talking about racial sensitivity training in our public schools. We had a differing opinion on expectations from teachers and administrators. It got pretty heated... so much so that the next day I got worried that I may have gone to far...
I should have known better.... Tasha sent me an email which summed me/the situation perfectly....
No hard feelings here. I need to be reminded of what the more mainstream point of view is, it helps keep things in perspective. And one of the reasons we are probably still friends is that we both have our own opinions--and can hold them. My mom said she didn't feel there is "room" to challenge me. I said, "I can't give you permission to have your own opinion."
Either you got it or you don't--and you girl have got it.
Tash - I love you too! You made my day!
Stick to what you know!
In light of recent postings and the discrediting of myself by my-self... I decided to go back to what I know: Taco Bell!
We went there for lunch today... i know i know...but we were in a hurry and we were hungry... anyway...
While at the drive through window the girl handing me our food said " Don't ever work fast food." I said that I used to be a waitress... she smiled and said "I hate my job"
I drove off and when I got home and opened the bag up... there was a bright pink flyer adverting the need for workers for that particular Taco Bell.
So much for a glowing recommendation!
We went there for lunch today... i know i know...but we were in a hurry and we were hungry... anyway...
While at the drive through window the girl handing me our food said " Don't ever work fast food." I said that I used to be a waitress... she smiled and said "I hate my job"
I drove off and when I got home and opened the bag up... there was a bright pink flyer adverting the need for workers for that particular Taco Bell.
So much for a glowing recommendation!
Monkey See Monkey Do
The last few posts about guns got me to thinking: Why hasn't' Braden ever played "pretend gun"?
Then I realized it is because he doesn't know they exist. Besides the water guns at his friends house (which really don't look like typical guns), he has never seen a gun (that I know of). We have never shown him one (although Mason has several) and we have never let him watch anything on TV that has anyone shooting anyone...
So... when kids play cops and robbers or Star Wars or whatevertheheck kids play - the are really just imitating what they have seen. Trying it out, seeing what emotions come from their actions and receiving feedback (from us (parents) on what is acceptable and what isn't).
Obviously offspring watch older animals to learn what to do and how. And we humans do the same. How to eat, wash, walk - whatever - you name it...
100 years ago our children we exposed to birth and death and everything in between AT HOME first hand. They saw illness, poverty. They also saw fighting. And shooting. They saw that death occurs from shooting a person or animal. In that sense it would make sense that they would "play" what they witness. Play serves a purpose.
OH crap... I am arguing against myself... and I have changed my mind again... If I follow my own train of logic.... Children should be allowed to express and play about anything they experience (with of course feedback and discussion with parents)... which would mean that I disagree with myself from my past post...
OH jeeze... I give up!
Then I realized it is because he doesn't know they exist. Besides the water guns at his friends house (which really don't look like typical guns), he has never seen a gun (that I know of). We have never shown him one (although Mason has several) and we have never let him watch anything on TV that has anyone shooting anyone...
So... when kids play cops and robbers or Star Wars or whatevertheheck kids play - the are really just imitating what they have seen. Trying it out, seeing what emotions come from their actions and receiving feedback (from us (parents) on what is acceptable and what isn't).
Obviously offspring watch older animals to learn what to do and how. And we humans do the same. How to eat, wash, walk - whatever - you name it...
100 years ago our children we exposed to birth and death and everything in between AT HOME first hand. They saw illness, poverty. They also saw fighting. And shooting. They saw that death occurs from shooting a person or animal. In that sense it would make sense that they would "play" what they witness. Play serves a purpose.
OH crap... I am arguing against myself... and I have changed my mind again... If I follow my own train of logic.... Children should be allowed to express and play about anything they experience (with of course feedback and discussion with parents)... which would mean that I disagree with myself from my past post...
OH jeeze... I give up!
Bang Bang Clarification
Just to clarify... my "Bang Bang You're Dead" post was NOT about:
hunting
gun control
gun safety
gun awareness
war
water guns
male aggression pro OR con
fake guns represented in movies (ie Star Wars)
etc...
I am sure I have opinions about all of these topics... and if I ever get the inclination I will share them with everyone... but for now... let the record state "i don't like the idea of Braden putting a gun (or pretend gun) in someones face and pretending to shoot them!
hunting
gun control
gun safety
gun awareness
war
water guns
male aggression pro OR con
fake guns represented in movies (ie Star Wars)
etc...
I am sure I have opinions about all of these topics... and if I ever get the inclination I will share them with everyone... but for now... let the record state "i don't like the idea of Braden putting a gun (or pretend gun) in someones face and pretending to shoot them!
4.27.2007
A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am.
~~~~~~~~
And then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am.
~~~~~~~~
And then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fuckin' think so.
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fuckin' think so.
~~~~~~~~~~~
The End.
The End.
silly and stereotypically feminist... but it really captures my mood about now!
thank you to my dear friend Shannon who sent it to me this morning...
4.23.2007
Bang Bang You're Dead
In light of recent events I have been re-thinking an opinion of mine... Here it goes:
Although I do not like guns, I had decided that I would not stop my son from "playing gun" if he so desired. I had talked to enough people and read some about "play fighting" to be comfortable with the fact that it serves a purpose in sorting out emotions and helps with imagination role playing blah blah blah. And so far (besides the occasional water gun) Braden isn't really interested in shooting stuff. (he hasn't made a gun out of a stick or carrot or whatever). But after reading my friends blog regarding recent events I got to thinking...
My friends argues that even pretend playing about something that hurts people is wrong.
I agree with her that shooting people is wrong, so why would I let my son pretend to shoot someone?
I would never allow him to pretend to shoot up heroin or think it was okay if my daughter played pretend prostitute.... so why would I allow him to pretend to shoot people?
Although I do not like guns, I had decided that I would not stop my son from "playing gun" if he so desired. I had talked to enough people and read some about "play fighting" to be comfortable with the fact that it serves a purpose in sorting out emotions and helps with imagination role playing blah blah blah. And so far (besides the occasional water gun) Braden isn't really interested in shooting stuff. (he hasn't made a gun out of a stick or carrot or whatever). But after reading my friends blog regarding recent events I got to thinking...
My friends argues that even pretend playing about something that hurts people is wrong.
I agree with her that shooting people is wrong, so why would I let my son pretend to shoot someone?
I would never allow him to pretend to shoot up heroin or think it was okay if my daughter played pretend prostitute.... so why would I allow him to pretend to shoot people?
4.22.2007
Earth Day...
In a former life I used to smoke. Camel lights mostly. I did dabble in Camel no filters and Drum roll your own. I never got along with the girls who smoked Marlboro lights (you know who you are) and in a pinch I would bum a Marlboro red. NEVER EVER did I smoke menthols or those sissy girly smokes like Benson and Hedges ... yeah I'll admit it... I totally dug cloves...
I digress.
The other day in the parking lot of the grocery store I saw two people standing by their car smoking. I forget sometimes that there are still people in the world who smoke... Since I am out of the loop I always assume everyone else is too... anyway... when they were done and ready to get in their car they tossed the cigarette down on the pavement, stepped on it then walked off.... LEAVING IT ON THE GROUND.
It came to me in a flash - all the cigarettes that I had smoked and how 90% of them ended up on the ground... without a second thought... How is it that we don't think of that as littering? or more to my point... how was I blind for so long?
Happy Earth Day... my apologies.
I digress.
The other day in the parking lot of the grocery store I saw two people standing by their car smoking. I forget sometimes that there are still people in the world who smoke... Since I am out of the loop I always assume everyone else is too... anyway... when they were done and ready to get in their car they tossed the cigarette down on the pavement, stepped on it then walked off.... LEAVING IT ON THE GROUND.
It came to me in a flash - all the cigarettes that I had smoked and how 90% of them ended up on the ground... without a second thought... How is it that we don't think of that as littering? or more to my point... how was I blind for so long?
Happy Earth Day... my apologies.
4.20.2007
Happy 6 Months
Tristan Scott Stewart6 months 2 days old
turn ons: prunes, outside, dogs
turn offs: greenbeans, sleeping, nose wipes
17 lbs 28 inches
4.19.2007
Sterling Blue Eyes....
It's getting to the point
Where I don't call anymore
I am sorry.
Sometimes it hurts so badly
I must cry out loud - I am lonely.
I am yours, you are mine,
You are what you are
And you make it hard
Remember what we've said,
and done, and felt about each other
Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now.
I am not dreaming.
I am yours, you are mine,
you are what you are.
And you make it hard
Tearing yourself away from me now,
You are free and I am crying.
This does not mean I don't love you,I do,
that's forever, and always.
I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are.
And you make it hard
Where I don't call anymore
I am sorry.
Sometimes it hurts so badly
I must cry out loud - I am lonely.
I am yours, you are mine,
You are what you are
And you make it hard
Remember what we've said,
and done, and felt about each other
Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now.
I am not dreaming.
I am yours, you are mine,
you are what you are.
And you make it hard
Tearing yourself away from me now,
You are free and I am crying.
This does not mean I don't love you,I do,
that's forever, and always.
I am yours, you are mine, you are what you are.
And you make it hard
It's Okay
I have been talking to a lot of my friends in the past couple of days regarding William, grief, recovery and living a "normal" life again. I told my friend on the phone that when you are faced with a situation that you have no control over and that is irreversible... you have no other option to say... It's okay... because truly it is. My friend asked me "how do you get yourself to be okay?" Practice.
Here is my mantra... I meditated over these lines over and over again in the weeks after William was born:
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
from the 44th proverb of the Tao te Ching (new english version) by stephen mitchell
Here is my mantra... I meditated over these lines over and over again in the weeks after William was born:
Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
from the 44th proverb of the Tao te Ching (new english version) by stephen mitchell
4.18.2007
Two Wolves Story
An elderly man was teaching his grandchildren about life . . .
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil---he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.The other is good ---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"The Elder simply replied, "The one you feed."
I totally stole this from Candace's Blog.
He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me, it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One wolf is evil---he is fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.The other is good ---he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."
They thought about it for a minute, and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"The Elder simply replied, "The one you feed."
I totally stole this from Candace's Blog.
4.17.2007
She's NOT me!
http://juliastewart.blogspot.com/
I don't know who she is... but I do find it interesting that she lists St. Louis as her home town....
I don't know who she is... but I do find it interesting that she lists St. Louis as her home town....
Speaking of Scott...
My cousin (whom I LOVE) is among many things a sports guy. He plays and watches A LOT of different sports... one of which is golf.
So in honor of my cousin and for my love of meeting all people famous... I introduce Grant Boone (who at the time of this picture I had NO idea that he was) he is the on air talent for the Golf Channel. I guess I would have known that if I ever watch the Golf Channel. But since I don't I was able to meet this guy at MOPS last Monday like a normal person... without making too big of a fool of myself. He came to speak to us and answer questions from the "daddy perspective". He did a great job!
Maybe I should upgrade my cable package to include the Golf Channel... then again... maybe not!
BTW - that is my good friend Kristin Ward ... she is an actual friend of Grants... not a groupie like me!
February of 2005
This is the only shot I have of me (on my computer) of me pregnant with William.
I do have a lot of pictures that other people took over those 9 months. They are put away in his little blue box.
This was taken in February of 2005. My cousin Scott was visiting us..
did I mention he is single?
My Holy Week
I do not celebrate Lent. I do not really celebrate Advent or the Ephiphany... but I do have my own Holy Week...
April 10th - April 20th The last day William was alive through his birth to his due date.
Don't let the previous posts fool ya... I had to mention something other than my little boy since life goes on... but its just smoke and mirrors... there is only one thing on my mind....
April 10th - April 20th The last day William was alive through his birth to his due date.
Don't let the previous posts fool ya... I had to mention something other than my little boy since life goes on... but its just smoke and mirrors... there is only one thing on my mind....
Little Old Lady from Pasadena
I got my second (in the span of 2 months) speeding ticket yesterday. Where was I you might wonder? A highway, city street, stop light? NO... I was on Farm Road 89 out in the middle of no where Texas. I was going 70 in a 60, coming down a hill (i might add). There was the state patrol car just sitting there behind a rock... waiting.
Oh, and this guy was the biggest prick. Rude, unforgiving and just a general all around jerk.
But you can't really argue with a cop... They hold all the power. All I would have to do is just look at him wrong and he could take me in. I exaggerate NOT! He even mentioned to me that that was one of my options... child protective services was mentioned. And I wasn't even arguing with him.
Such power over another person. No one should feel as powerless as I did yesterday.
Today I mentioned my story to the guy who came out to clean the soup out of the carpet (yeah... I finally realized that it need professional attention).
He knew exactly which speed trap I was talking about. He described the cop perfectly. He said "Yeah he's a real prick... everyone knows not to speed over there... because he'll getcha!"
Everyone but me I guess....
Oh, and this guy was the biggest prick. Rude, unforgiving and just a general all around jerk.
But you can't really argue with a cop... They hold all the power. All I would have to do is just look at him wrong and he could take me in. I exaggerate NOT! He even mentioned to me that that was one of my options... child protective services was mentioned. And I wasn't even arguing with him.
Such power over another person. No one should feel as powerless as I did yesterday.
Today I mentioned my story to the guy who came out to clean the soup out of the carpet (yeah... I finally realized that it need professional attention).
He knew exactly which speed trap I was talking about. He described the cop perfectly. He said "Yeah he's a real prick... everyone knows not to speed over there... because he'll getcha!"
Everyone but me I guess....
One of those days....
What do you do when the house is a wreck, the baby is screaming and while your 3 year old trashes your bathroom spills a half a bottle of bubbles in the tub?
You say "F&%# It!" and take a bubble bath....
picture does not show actual bath taken tonight...
You say "F&%# It!" and take a bubble bath....
picture does not show actual bath taken tonight...
You Gotta Have Friends.... (a la Bette Midler)
I love my friends. They are my sisters. They are my support, my teachers my better halves. I wouldn't be anywhere without my friends. I have had some wonderful friends over the course of my life. Some I treated well, others I did not. Some I keep in touch with daily, weekly, monthly... some, just a few times a year. Others I haven't spoken with in a LONG time. Friends from grade school, Junior high, high school, college, the waitressing years, my first job, BLOG friends. The friends I have made here have touched my soul.
I am rough around the edges - a work in progress... and yet my friends love me. I have some friends that have known me since I was 14. They know A LOT about me... and they love me anyway. I think it takes a lot of courage and patience to be my friend. All I can say is thank you... and I love you all!
I am rough around the edges - a work in progress... and yet my friends love me. I have some friends that have known me since I was 14. They know A LOT about me... and they love me anyway. I think it takes a lot of courage and patience to be my friend. All I can say is thank you... and I love you all!
4.16.2007
From Annie's Blog
Monday, April 18, 2005
no one cries like a mother cries: farewell William Charles Stewart
Regular readers here know Julia. She's always made cheerful comments and asked great questions on the SprogBlog. You may also know that Julia was looking forward to this week because it was her due date for her second child. She asked me to talk about my opinions of epidurals and c-sections. Sadly, Julia's baby, a boy named William Charles, was stillborn last Friday. My heart breaks with hers every time I say or write those words. Julia, her husband Mason, and her son Braden are all in my heart, thoughts, and prayers in their horrible time of grief. Losing a baby has to be one of the deepest pains a human can feel. Bono sings in one of my favorite U2 songs:
Tell the ones that hear no sound,
whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth.
No whos or whys--No one cries like a mother cries
for Peace on Earth
She never got to say goodbye,
To see the color in his eyes.
Peace on Earth.
Nobody talks about losing a baby. In our society it's overlooked, forgotten, not mentioned. But so many people quietly anguish with this pain. We have to start talking about it. Their lives mean something and should be marked. We lost a baby early in its pregnancy back in November of 2001. It rocked my soul off its foundation. I remember thinking losing a child may be easier to bear because at least you got some time with the child. Julia lost her baby after a complete pregnancy of bonding and hoping, and before she got to see him giggle, grab her little pinky finger, or latch his warm welcome mouth onto her maternal breast.
This is a pain that cracks throughout the universe like the sound of an iced lake cracking in spring sun or the sound of a ball on a bat. It cracks with piercing anguish where joy and anticipation rang out just a few days ago. My hope for Julia is that she can celebrate her connection to her son as she knew him: still inside her, still part of her. His life was full because all he ever knew was her. Her emotions, the sound of her heartbeat, the smells of her day as she moved about her life. My heart holds you, Julia. The pain. Oh, the pain. I hope it dulls to a bearable level. I hope you cry and scream and hug your husband and son. I wish I was there for you to cry on and scream at.
no one cries like a mother cries: farewell William Charles Stewart
Regular readers here know Julia. She's always made cheerful comments and asked great questions on the SprogBlog. You may also know that Julia was looking forward to this week because it was her due date for her second child. She asked me to talk about my opinions of epidurals and c-sections. Sadly, Julia's baby, a boy named William Charles, was stillborn last Friday. My heart breaks with hers every time I say or write those words. Julia, her husband Mason, and her son Braden are all in my heart, thoughts, and prayers in their horrible time of grief. Losing a baby has to be one of the deepest pains a human can feel. Bono sings in one of my favorite U2 songs:
Tell the ones that hear no sound,
whose sons are living in the ground
Peace on Earth.
No whos or whys--No one cries like a mother cries
for Peace on Earth
She never got to say goodbye,
To see the color in his eyes.
Peace on Earth.
Nobody talks about losing a baby. In our society it's overlooked, forgotten, not mentioned. But so many people quietly anguish with this pain. We have to start talking about it. Their lives mean something and should be marked. We lost a baby early in its pregnancy back in November of 2001. It rocked my soul off its foundation. I remember thinking losing a child may be easier to bear because at least you got some time with the child. Julia lost her baby after a complete pregnancy of bonding and hoping, and before she got to see him giggle, grab her little pinky finger, or latch his warm welcome mouth onto her maternal breast.
This is a pain that cracks throughout the universe like the sound of an iced lake cracking in spring sun or the sound of a ball on a bat. It cracks with piercing anguish where joy and anticipation rang out just a few days ago. My hope for Julia is that she can celebrate her connection to her son as she knew him: still inside her, still part of her. His life was full because all he ever knew was her. Her emotions, the sound of her heartbeat, the smells of her day as she moved about her life. My heart holds you, Julia. The pain. Oh, the pain. I hope it dulls to a bearable level. I hope you cry and scream and hug your husband and son. I wish I was there for you to cry on and scream at.
4.15.2007
April 15th
At 8:50pm April 15th 2005 William Charles Stewart was born. He was 6 lbs and 19 inches long. The cord was wrapped around his neck, twice. He was stillborn. Right now... it is 9:26pm. Two years ago at this exact moment I was flipping through a phone book trying to find a funeral home to take care of the arrangements.
I could tell the whole story again. Doctors appointment, no heartbeat on the Doppler. Cervadil, pitocin, 8 hours of labor. Exhaustion, crying, helplessness. But I won't.
Death and grief are hard enough to deal with when an older person dies. But when a baby dies it is almost unbearable. People don't know what to say. They are afraid they will say the wrong thing. They feel just as helpless.
Loss brings out the best and the worst in people. In the days after Williams passing I heard people say some of the most ridiculous things. I also heard and saw words and acts of love and kindness.
My Aunt Karen who held me as I cried and who helped bury William's ashes.
Dava Lynn who was the first to remind me in prayer that God is good.
A beautiful tribute post on Annie's blog.
The photo lady at Walgreens who sent me a condolence card signed by all the workers
My dear friend Melissa who rushed to the house to take care of Braden while I was in the hospital and ended up taking care of everything else. Meals, phone calls, picking my parents up at the airport. She was my angel. I would not have survived without her.
The ladies at MOPS who sent meals and cards, even when they barely knew me.
Military friends of ours who we had not heard from or wrote to in years... sent flowers, food, cards and calls.
Knowing that people loved you and were moved by your loss took a bit of the edge off of the pain. People who cried and grieved along with you. I was humbled by the compassion and support from so many of our family and friends. Especially the people who were touched so deeply.
I assumed that a death of a baby would effect (big or small) anyone who was in contact with the situation. I was not prepared for the people who appeared to not be affected at all. Still to this day I can't understand their actions (or lack thereof). Since I had strangers praying for me and sending me cards from across the country, it took me a bit by surprise that there would be people in my life who would pretend that it didn't happen.
These weren't close close friends mind you, but acquainta-friends nonetheless. I had been to their homes, held their babies, had them on my Christmas card and email list. I don't know why it bothers me so much. At the time in my grief I gave them the benefit of the doubt deciding that they probably were SO affected that they didn't know what to do or say...
But now two years later I am still angry. I know it sounds silly. But if I am being honest... I am angry. Why couldn't they have emailed with "we're sorry for your loss" ? sent a card ...Or when I ran into them on the street they could have at least said SOMETHING.
Their silence makes it hurt more. When the bag boy at the grocery store can say something kind and acknowledge your loss... your friends.... even acquainta-friends should too.
I could tell the whole story again. Doctors appointment, no heartbeat on the Doppler. Cervadil, pitocin, 8 hours of labor. Exhaustion, crying, helplessness. But I won't.
Death and grief are hard enough to deal with when an older person dies. But when a baby dies it is almost unbearable. People don't know what to say. They are afraid they will say the wrong thing. They feel just as helpless.
Loss brings out the best and the worst in people. In the days after Williams passing I heard people say some of the most ridiculous things. I also heard and saw words and acts of love and kindness.
My Aunt Karen who held me as I cried and who helped bury William's ashes.
Dava Lynn who was the first to remind me in prayer that God is good.
A beautiful tribute post on Annie's blog.
The photo lady at Walgreens who sent me a condolence card signed by all the workers
My dear friend Melissa who rushed to the house to take care of Braden while I was in the hospital and ended up taking care of everything else. Meals, phone calls, picking my parents up at the airport. She was my angel. I would not have survived without her.
The ladies at MOPS who sent meals and cards, even when they barely knew me.
Military friends of ours who we had not heard from or wrote to in years... sent flowers, food, cards and calls.
Knowing that people loved you and were moved by your loss took a bit of the edge off of the pain. People who cried and grieved along with you. I was humbled by the compassion and support from so many of our family and friends. Especially the people who were touched so deeply.
I assumed that a death of a baby would effect (big or small) anyone who was in contact with the situation. I was not prepared for the people who appeared to not be affected at all. Still to this day I can't understand their actions (or lack thereof). Since I had strangers praying for me and sending me cards from across the country, it took me a bit by surprise that there would be people in my life who would pretend that it didn't happen.
These weren't close close friends mind you, but acquainta-friends nonetheless. I had been to their homes, held their babies, had them on my Christmas card and email list. I don't know why it bothers me so much. At the time in my grief I gave them the benefit of the doubt deciding that they probably were SO affected that they didn't know what to do or say...
But now two years later I am still angry. I know it sounds silly. But if I am being honest... I am angry. Why couldn't they have emailed with "we're sorry for your loss" ? sent a card ...Or when I ran into them on the street they could have at least said SOMETHING.
Their silence makes it hurt more. When the bag boy at the grocery store can say something kind and acknowledge your loss... your friends.... even acquainta-friends should too.
4.13.2007
My Guys
I have a few guys around town... no..... not that kind of guy!
I go to the same places over and over and over again. The routine has changed a bit over the 3 years that I have lived here, but not too much. I go to the same grocery store, the same restaurants (sometimes the same day each week) and we go to the same car wash (The Four Seasons on 27th) every few weeks. I tried once going to the "new car wash" but didn't like it very much...
Today we went to the car wash. And there was my guy. I have no idea what his name is... nor do I know what he looks like without his ball cap sunglasses and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. But he is our guy. I know this because the first time I went to get the van washed, he smiled and mentioned the new car and that it was good to see us "back".
I have a guy at Jason's Deli (Ollie), a guy at the grocery store (Lance)... a Handyman Guy (Rob) a fence Guy (John)... I have a Weed-Pro guy named James Baker .... at one point I had a sprinkler guy... and my realtor guy Robert...
I have two gals too... the waxer (Courtney) and my haircutting girl... who's name I have forgotten...
I go to the same places over and over and over again. The routine has changed a bit over the 3 years that I have lived here, but not too much. I go to the same grocery store, the same restaurants (sometimes the same day each week) and we go to the same car wash (The Four Seasons on 27th) every few weeks. I tried once going to the "new car wash" but didn't like it very much...
Today we went to the car wash. And there was my guy. I have no idea what his name is... nor do I know what he looks like without his ball cap sunglasses and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. But he is our guy. I know this because the first time I went to get the van washed, he smiled and mentioned the new car and that it was good to see us "back".
I have a guy at Jason's Deli (Ollie), a guy at the grocery store (Lance)... a Handyman Guy (Rob) a fence Guy (John)... I have a Weed-Pro guy named James Baker .... at one point I had a sprinkler guy... and my realtor guy Robert...
I have two gals too... the waxer (Courtney) and my haircutting girl... who's name I have forgotten...
Forget Chicken Soup for the Soul...
How about Broccoli-Cheese Soup for the Van? On Tuesday on the way home from picking Braden up at school, we swung by the grocery store and then to Jason's Deli to pick up some soup for our lunches. Everything was going fine until I turned the last corner from the main road onto our street. We turned, the bag tipped, I stretched... the soup came pouring out , hot steamy and cheesy all over the floor of the van... did I mention it was a 1/2 gallon container of soup?
Frantically, I start thinking of my game plan... pull into the garage to work? or work in the driveway in the sun? Obviously put Tristan down for his nap first.... What about the grocery's... do I let them sit while I clean or let the soup sit while I bring the food in and throw it in the fridge and freezer...
I picked the soup first and after thinking about it some more I left the van in the driveway. I got towels to help pick up the soup and pour it out on to the driveway... OH... did I forget to mention that the soup was HOT!? so yeah, soup all over the driveway, groceries rotting away in the car all the while Braden running around me asking repeatedly (whether I answered him or not) "Mom, what you doing? What you doing Mom?"
The van still smells funny... and not ha ha funny... more like sour milk sitting in a minivan in the sun funny... which really isn't very funny at all...
The worst part of this? NO SOUP for LUNCH!!!!
Frantically, I start thinking of my game plan... pull into the garage to work? or work in the driveway in the sun? Obviously put Tristan down for his nap first.... What about the grocery's... do I let them sit while I clean or let the soup sit while I bring the food in and throw it in the fridge and freezer...
I picked the soup first and after thinking about it some more I left the van in the driveway. I got towels to help pick up the soup and pour it out on to the driveway... OH... did I forget to mention that the soup was HOT!? so yeah, soup all over the driveway, groceries rotting away in the car all the while Braden running around me asking repeatedly (whether I answered him or not) "Mom, what you doing? What you doing Mom?"
The van still smells funny... and not ha ha funny... more like sour milk sitting in a minivan in the sun funny... which really isn't very funny at all...
The worst part of this? NO SOUP for LUNCH!!!!
4.08.2007
Easter Came Early
Last week Mason came home for a day. It was great for us... hard on him (9 hours of driving each way) But totally worth it. We did Easter egg stuff while he was here. It was great fun! We lucked out. It was a beautiful weekend.. perfect weather. Which is more than I can say for today. It is snowing and about 30 degrees. Kinda reminds me of my Easters as kid in Maine... Now I know why all of our hunts were indoors!
Nobody is happy at Walmart
Yesterday I had a babysitter come to the house for the first time since Tristan was born. I was so excited to have some time to myself. I went to lunch at Abuelo's with my friend Karyl. But then I had to go to Wal-Mart. I know that I should not do errands on my "day off" (more like a few hours off...but I am not complaining)... That being said I would have rather had a root canal then go to Wal-Mart with the kids... especially on a Saturday.
The place was packed. I was kind hoping since it was snowy and yucky out that most people would have stayed home... I was WAY wrong.
Like I was saying, the place was packed. Everyone pushing their carts every which way... kids screaming and crying, husbands wandering behind their wives with a "how did I get talked into coming here" look on their face. and EVERYONE is mildly grumpy... no one really wants to be there. and at the same time no one seems to realize OTHER people are there. All the isles are jammed with people staring at peas or cereal with their cart sticking out in the way. No one says excuse me or sorry if you have to get around them.
While other stores are trying to ensure you have a pleasant a shopping experience, Wal-Mart has succeeded in giving you a two for one - simultaneously claustrophobic and isolating all at once.... and nobody is happy....
The place was packed. I was kind hoping since it was snowy and yucky out that most people would have stayed home... I was WAY wrong.
Like I was saying, the place was packed. Everyone pushing their carts every which way... kids screaming and crying, husbands wandering behind their wives with a "how did I get talked into coming here" look on their face. and EVERYONE is mildly grumpy... no one really wants to be there. and at the same time no one seems to realize OTHER people are there. All the isles are jammed with people staring at peas or cereal with their cart sticking out in the way. No one says excuse me or sorry if you have to get around them.
While other stores are trying to ensure you have a pleasant a shopping experience, Wal-Mart has succeeded in giving you a two for one - simultaneously claustrophobic and isolating all at once.... and nobody is happy....
Dogs don't eat Skittles
After the Candy Explosion at Mother's Day Out on Thursday we had candy all over the kitchen. At night while I was cleaning up, a red skittle rolled onto the floor. I left it there thinking it would be eaten by the dogs. I was wrong.
As they ran by, Calhoun was the first to grab it... he took one lick and then as quick as it went in it POPPED right back out. His face had YUCK written all over it (if a dog could convey the emotion of a word). Chloe was hot on his heels... she must of thought "what a fool! he's passing up a morsel of something on the floor. just my luck". She takes up the skittle in her mouth pauses for an almost bite... then YUCK! it pops right out. Leaving me standing in the kitchen trying to figure out why dogs think that grass dirt and their own poop takes better than a Skittle.....
4.04.2007
MOM my Ride
I stole this from my friend Annie's blog... couldn't stop laughing... the duct tape is my favorite bit!
4.03.2007
Great Moms Walk
Every year all of the MOPS group around the country participlate in the Great Moms Walk to help raise money for their group. I am walking again this year (only my second time).
If you are thinking to yourself right now "hey ... I've got some extra cash lying around.."
Well let me help you put it to good use https://www.firstgiving.com/juliakstewart !!!
If you are thinking to yourself right now "hey ... I've got some extra cash lying around.."
Well let me help you put it to good use https://www.firstgiving.com/juliakstewart !!!
Jim... I mean James
My first real boyfriend rode motorcycles....
About once a year a phone call or email passes between the two of us.
Back in the day he was called Jim.... and he wanted to be an investment banker/stock broker...
Now, he is James and works as a independent director out in California.
Here is a link to his latest project.... http://www.roadlesstraveledmovie.com/
Back in 1991 it just didn't get any better than riding on the back of Jim's bike around St. Louis in the summertime...
I can't wait to see the whole film... I think it is going to be great!
About once a year a phone call or email passes between the two of us.
Back in the day he was called Jim.... and he wanted to be an investment banker/stock broker...
Now, he is James and works as a independent director out in California.
Here is a link to his latest project.... http://www.roadlesstraveledmovie.com/
Back in 1991 it just didn't get any better than riding on the back of Jim's bike around St. Louis in the summertime...
I can't wait to see the whole film... I think it is going to be great!
Gypped!
I just got a cell phone. A cell phone of my very own. All my other cells were pawned off on me every time Mason realized that he really didn't use it very much... Our latest was purchased 2 years ago right before William was born. We had been cell-less for a while and figured that it would come in handy. We were right about that ... I spent most of my labor talking on it. BUT it really wasn't mine. Mason decided to get Nextel because his best friend had that service and they were planning to walkie-talkie each other ALL THE TIME. He also bought a phone that looked like it came out of an Army surplus store. It was black and the screen had NO color... just light green and dark green.
Well you can guess what happened next. Mason was deployed, and his best friend went to do a remote tour in South Korea... so I ended up with a new phone. Which I hated.
I can't believe it has been two years. April 9 2005 Mason went to Office Depot and bought this phone....
I also can't believe that he paid money for a phone. You never have to buy a cell phone. When you get a service plan they will always give you a phone! ALWAYS!!! It's never the most fancy of phones... but it will ring and dial and take messages. That is all I need it for...
So... I got a phone. T-Mobile sent one to me free with a new service plan! It should be here today. I am very excited. Because... like my new car (which I LOVE) ... I got to pick it out on my own for ME!!! (which as most moms know is a luxury in and of itself.)
On the flip side though... I hate cell phones. Their complicated plans, fees taxes and contracts. I hate all utility companies for that matter. Internet, land line , TV cable or Dish... I never really feel like I am getting the BEST deal... I feel like these companies take advantage of us. Knowing that we will want phone Internet and TV regardless of the price. They at first they pretend like they are giving you some bargain... all the while there is hidden fees, term limits, stipulations.
I guess I have gotten used to the feeling with all of them ... except the cell phone... I just always feel like I am getting gypped!
Well you can guess what happened next. Mason was deployed, and his best friend went to do a remote tour in South Korea... so I ended up with a new phone. Which I hated.
I can't believe it has been two years. April 9 2005 Mason went to Office Depot and bought this phone....
I also can't believe that he paid money for a phone. You never have to buy a cell phone. When you get a service plan they will always give you a phone! ALWAYS!!! It's never the most fancy of phones... but it will ring and dial and take messages. That is all I need it for...
So... I got a phone. T-Mobile sent one to me free with a new service plan! It should be here today. I am very excited. Because... like my new car (which I LOVE) ... I got to pick it out on my own for ME!!! (which as most moms know is a luxury in and of itself.)
On the flip side though... I hate cell phones. Their complicated plans, fees taxes and contracts. I hate all utility companies for that matter. Internet, land line , TV cable or Dish... I never really feel like I am getting the BEST deal... I feel like these companies take advantage of us. Knowing that we will want phone Internet and TV regardless of the price. They at first they pretend like they are giving you some bargain... all the while there is hidden fees, term limits, stipulations.
I guess I have gotten used to the feeling with all of them ... except the cell phone... I just always feel like I am getting gypped!
4.02.2007
No Kidding
It didn't occur to me yesterday that when I posted about falling through the ceiling of the garage that some people would think it was an April Fools joke. I assure you... it was NOT!
I am however doing much better. Bruising and swelling has gone done and I think my toe is going to be okay.
I think it will be awhile before I go up in the attic again... good thing I have a garage to store all my junk...
I am however doing much better. Bruising and swelling has gone done and I think my toe is going to be okay.
I think it will be awhile before I go up in the attic again... good thing I have a garage to store all my junk...
4.01.2007
Guess What I Did this Weekend....?
Yep! I fell through the attic floor/garage ceiling ALMOST all the way through... I have a huge bruise on my knee and opposite elbow...my back side (where I landed on the beam that stopped me) is all tender... and I think I broke my toe... I am okay... really shaken up... but okay....That scene in the Money Pit is not funny to me any more.
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